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Editor’s note: One Small Thing is a new series to help you take one simple step toward a healthy, impactful goal. Try this one thing and you will be heading in the right direction.
When my daughters were 6 and 10, I tried to refrain from using my personal electronic devices (laptop, smartphone) around them.
I challenged myself to do this for just one month – back when I had successfully experimented with swapping monthly resolutions for the more traditional (and often less effective) annual New Year’s resolutions.
It was awkward at times, that’s for sure. Other times it was even comical: closing a computer every time my kids entered the room, reopening it when they left, then closing it again when they came back to tell me something else.
When I absolutely had to look at a screen (mostly for work, actually), I would tell them what I was doing so at least they wouldn’t feel like they were competing with social media for my attention .
Of the 12 micro-resolutions I made that year, the one that limited the screen had the most impact. It made me realize how much or half of my kids were ignoring the phone or laptop, and I felt like we were more connected.
They noticed it too, which only strengthened my efforts. “I like it,” my youngest daughter said recently. “I feel more connected. I can’t express your emotions when you talk to me on your computer.
“What makes the most difference is when I ask you a question,” my oldest daughter said, “because you feel like you’re paying more attention, even though you were listening so much while looking at your phone.” »
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity,” said modern French philosopher Simone Weil, summing up this opportunity.
My little personal challenge had a direct and disproportionate halo effect on my relationships with my daughters. The conversations were more interactive, longer. It became the only one-month resolution I kept after the month ended, but I gradually became less strict about it, just like many resolutions that don’t make the leap into an ingrained habit.
My children are 12 and 17 now. They now have their own personal screen, unlike the first experience. It seems even more vital to model good technology habits, so that they don’t become tedious distractions or speed bumps to direct, meaningful communication.
Recent research supports this notion. In a study published last summer, the authors found that parental screen use in front of their child “was associated with higher total screen time and problematic use of social media, video games, and of cell phones among young adolescents.
If you want to control your kids’ device use beyond the rules and/or screen time limits you’re trying to enforce, one way to positively influence them is to simply model the behavior when you’re with them. them, the researchers discovered.
“I feel like I have a bad habit (of being on the phone in front of others), even when I’m not doing anything on my phone,” my eldest daughter confessed when I asked her if my experience gave the good example. I agree that she needs to be better herself.
Connecting more with my family, being a good role model, becoming more mindful of whether I really need to be on a screen – these are the reasons why I recommitted myself to this effort to put down the phone and turn off the phone. laptop when my kids come in. the room and keep it closed unless they know it’s for work or something else that can’t wait. I also add my wife, because that’s another relationship that is more important than anything I watch on a screen.
I even announce it sometimes, so they know. As I was writing this column, my oldest daughter came down and said, “I have a question for you. »
“I close my laptop so I can hear it fully!” » I responded happily, which made him laugh, and I guess I appreciated the gesture.
The first month isn’t even over and we’re already enjoying the benefits of this little thing I commit to all year.
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