While my prosperous military husband, I collapse while my dreams disappeared

When I became a military spouse after 11 years of marriage, I thought that the most difficult parts of the military lifestyle would be deployments, frequent movements or solo parenting our five children.

However, after eight years of marriage to an active soldier, the most difficult part was how to support each other the happiness of the other.

As he prospered in his new career as an Air Force officer, I collapsed in the requirements of maintaining our household together, implacable loneliness and the lack of opportunity to pursue my goals and my dreams.

Before my husband joined the army, I obtained my master’s degree in English and I became an auxiliary instructor in a university, balancing maternity when teaching writing and literature. I had always wanted to be a mom who works and I am proud of my achievements and my careers.

I knew that supporting my husband’s military career would require a sacrifice on my part, but I did not know how much this lifestyle would require.

My husband’s career prospered while mine collapsed

To move four times in seven years, to help five children to adapt to new locations and schools, and to try (sometimes without success) to build a community for myself in each new service station left me shortly to pursue a career or personal objectives.

I had books of books that I wanted to write, but the mental charge of the military lifestyle gave me the impression of being constantly in survival mode, with little space to devote to external projects. I felt my ambitions move away and resentment fill its place.

Meanwhile, I watched my husband go up to the top in each position he occupied. He won prizes and received the responsibilities of a higher rank agent because he was an excellent leader.

Being incredible in his work also meant that he had been chosen for deployments and special trips. If I combine all the time that he has been absent in the past eight years, I have been a parent of our solo children for almost two years.

My mind and my heart were at war

“I’m so proud of you,” I said regularly to him. “I love you can use your mind and your abilities to their full potential. And I die inside.”

“I know,” he said. “I see how hard it is for you.”

His empathy and understanding have appeased my heart, but that did not repair how stuck I felt.

After our first deployment in 2020, an international decision and a second deployment ending in 2023, my mental health was in a tenuous place, even with the taking of drugs to support my depression and my anxiety.

I was wondering if we were heading for divorce

My husband and I regularly see it, sometimes rationally, often emotionally.

Sometimes we fought. Always, we tried to understand ourselves.

He told me that our marriage and our family were more important than his career goals and I wanted to believe it.

However, the more the soldiers demanded, the more fear started to slip. I was wondering if our marriage would survive.

I knew that being a military spouse meant a sacrifice, making my part to support my husband while he was fighting for our country.

While I became a shell of the person I was in the past, fighting against depression, anxiety and intense loneliness, I realized that I also needed to fight for me.

Thanks to each painful fight, each empathetic conversation and each situation where we decided to seek the best for the other person, we realized that to be a successful military couple, we had to fight for each other.

Sacrifice is not only a requirement of a military spouse

Sometimes you need sacrifice on both sides to operate a relationship. My husband realized that he also had to fight for my happiness.

He wanted to stay in the army, do the work he loves, but I needed more stability. So two years ago, he was transferred to the spatial force.

We hope that this new branch will require less movements and deployments for our family.

He also postponed the dream of going to a special training which would force him to be absent for six months until our family is more installed.

When I was operated recently, he told his leadership that taking care of me was his first priority, and he had taken leave.

Earlier this year, when I returned to the house of a five -hour interview as part of the application process for a mastery in counseling in clinical mental health, he had prepared a steak dinner, poured my favorite wine and bought fresh flowers to celebrate this next stage of my life.

“I didn’t even entered it!” I said.

“I want you to know that I am proud of you,” he said and pulled his wine glass against mine.

I received my acceptance letter a week later.

I learn to trust that when he says that our marriage and our family are his first priority, he means it because his actions reveal his heart.

While I prepare to make future trips, he worked on moving his educational advantages to GI Bill to help finance my higher education goals.

We always determine what it means to have a successful marriage while sailing on military requests, but we are committed to operating our partnership so that we can both prosper.