DEAR HARRIETTE: For the author of the letter “Me Vs. Everyone” – my mother would have given this advice to a person who had received mean comments from other women because she is now dating the handsome guy from campus:
You are beautiful and charming, which can make some other girls insecure and jealous. They may try to hurt you with their mean comments, but you don’t have to let them get to you.
My mother experienced something similar when she was young. She taught me to respond to mean people with kindness, not anger. She said that kindness is a sign of strength, not weakness. She also said that mean comments are actually backhanded compliments because they show that the mean person feels inferior to you in some way.
So instead of feeling hurt by their words, you can advise them to smile more, so that they too can look beautiful.
You can also talk to your close friends or your mother about how you feel, and they will support you and remind you of your worth.
Instead of reacting the way mean girls want you to – by hurting you – you can thank them, because you know they mean it as a compliment. Show them that you are not affected by their negativity. You can turn some of them into friends rather than rivals.
– Kill them with kindness
DEAR, KILL THEM KINDLY: What empowering and loving advice! Thank you for these valuable contributions.
DEAR HARRIETTE: As a first-year college student experiencing communal living for the first time, I struggle with the challenges of sharing a room.
I am becoming increasingly frustrated with my roommate; after giving her access to my stuff once, she uses it systematically. The same goes for my food and shopping, which makes me feel taken advantage of.
I hesitate to confront her about this behavior, fearing that it could strain our relationship and create tension in our living arrangements.
As a newcomer to cohabitation, I’m worried about the potential consequences of resolving this issue and don’t know how to handle this situation without harming our dynamic.
—Are all roommates like that?
DEAR, ARE ALL ROOMS LIKE THIS?: You have every right to set boundaries in your living conditions. You can do it clearly and nicely, but go for it.
Ask your roommate to meet with you about your accommodation. Tell them you have concerns about expectations, roles and responsibilities. Admit that you’ve never had a roommate before, so this is all new to you. Then tell him that some things have happened that make you uncomfortable and that you want to talk about them.
Be direct and specific about food, groceries and other goods. Explain to her that you don’t want her using your stuff without asking. You can also suggest that you both consider grocery shopping together or designate certain things that will be shared.
The most important thing is to take the time to talk and agree on what your boundaries will be.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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