Dear Miss Manners: People do they say “how are you?” More when presented to someone? The sentence seems to have faded.
If it is no longer used, what should I say when presented to someone new?
Mild player: You are right that this convention fell into disuse.
He tended to confuse people because it seemed to be a question, he was nevertheless declared as if it were a declaration, and the right answer was not to say how, but to repeat the remark.
So probably no need to be saved.
It makes your question crucial: what should we say?
A common response is “happy to meet you”. Very few seem to remember or worry about how this sentence has been considered. (It is still in England, where there was a national ring when Carole Middleton, mother of the current princess of Wales, said it during the first meeting of Queen Elizabeth.)
The justification to oppose this sentence is that one cannot know, when meeting a foreigner, whether pleasant or not. This is similar to the objection that “how are you?” Don’t really ask how no one is doing.
Perhaps we should not submit simple conventions to such an analysis.
Meanwhile, for lack of a better solution, Miss Manners continues to put people by saying “How are you?” When you meet someone.
In the greetings of letters, the “salvation” which replaced the conventional “dear” (“dear” being still another victim of such an analysis) is too cheeky for it.
Just “hello”? Maybe. But she hopes that a soft reader will offer a better solution.
Dear Miss Manners: My dad has passed during COVID. I have two grande-ones and my dad has three brothers who are always with us. The older brother did a lot for me, now and before losing my two parents.
I have seen a man for a few years now and he asked me to marry him. I told him yes, but that he must meet my dad’s family and spend time with them and see if he feels the same thing after that. He said ok.
To which of my uncles or my grande-ones should they speak and which works in the aisle?
Mild player: What you want, and as many as you wish.
As so many brides do not understand it, the idea is not to play a role, but to reflect a relationship. The older uncle seems a good choice, because it has done a lot for you, and also because it could now be considered the head of the family.
But as you are obviously so close to your father’s family, Miss Manners would find him charming if you include them all. A pretender who is ready to face such a group (although it is probably well disposed) should be a precious addition to the family.
And although your wedding guests are amused to see several devoted escorts in the aisle, they should also find it very touching.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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