What is “community living” and is it appropriate for me? 4 questions to ask yourself: NPR

Rhaina Cohen and her husband live in a townhouse with another couple and their two children in Washington, D.C. Cohen says they wanted to share a home with people they were excited to live with — and who they could count on. From left to right: Cohen, her husband, her roommate’s child and her roommate.

Rhaine Cohen

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Rhaine Cohen

Rhaina Cohen and her husband live in a townhouse with another couple and their two children in Washington, D.C. Cohen says they wanted to share a home with people they were excited to live with — and who they could count on. From left to right: Cohen, her husband, her roommate’s child and her roommate.

Rhaine Cohen

For 14 years, Davida Wolf has lived at the WOW House in Seattle. The name of the blue storybook house means Wild Old Women. It is home to chickens named Big Red, Henny Penny, Goose and Pheasant – as well as three other women who, like Wolf, are over 60 and gay.

WOW House is community-based. In this arrangement, roommates share resources like food, skills like gardening, and household responsibilities. For Wolf, living at WOW House is a wonderful way to “bond and create family in different ways,” she says.

Community living takes many forms, from sharing a home with like-minded people to raising your children on the same street as your friends. And it goes by many names: intentional communities, cohabitation, cooperatives or communes.

But they all have one thing in common: People who cohabit don’t just live under the same roof as roommates. They’re making a long-term commitment to tying their lives together, says Gillian Morris, who co-runs a community living blog and helped found a commune in New York.

If this lifestyle interests you, here are the key questions to ask yourself before taking the plunge.

What does your ideal home environment look like?

Gillian Morris at a meeting in Connecticut with some of the people she lived with at Casa Chironja, a group home in San Juan, Puerto Rico. From left to right: Tasha C, Morris, Joel Shor, Robert Morris and Connie Yang.

Gillian Morris

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Gillian Morris at a meeting in Connecticut with some of the people she lived with at Casa Chironja, a group home in San Juan, Puerto Rico. From left to right: Tasha C, Morris, Joel Shor, Robert Morris and Connie Yang.

Gillian Morris

If living alone, with a roommate, or with a partner doesn’t seem like the right solution for you, what could make your arrangement feel more like home?

Maybe growing your own food is important to you, which is why you want to live in a place with a large vegetable garden. Or maybe you’re an artist who’s moved to a new city and is looking to build friendships with other creatives.

Wolf, 65, needed connection and support as she aged. At WOW House, she says her roommates, whose oldest member is 80, take care of each other by taking turns cooking dinner. And they keep each other company at weekly movie nights and while gardening.

Who are you most looking forward to living with?

See if you can find a pre-existing community that aligns with your values ​​and has an opening. Morris has a cohabitation directory on his blog. You can also look for cohousing or cooperative housing in your city as a starting point.

Wolf was lucky to find a home that seemed perfect from the moment she walked through the door. “One of the members said, ‘I just think you need to be here.’ And I said, ‘I know.’ So I moved,” she said.

If you can’t naturally find a place with like-minded people, think about the people in your life, says Rhaina Cohen, NPR producer and author of Loved ones – Reimagining life with friendship at the center.

Make a list of the loved ones you would be happiest to live with, the ones you can count on, she says. “Who is the person you trust the most to make decisions for you in a hospital? »

Then ask them if they might be up for a co-living setup. You might be surprised by their response.

Cohen and her husband talked about sharing a house with a couple they admired. Even though the couple had two children, they were interested! The four of them sat down to discuss what this arrangement might look like. “What do we do on Shabbat? Would my husband and I take care of the children? Cohen asks. Now they all live together in a townhouse in Washington, DC.

Does the house provide space for both privacy and recreation?

When considering a house or apartment, pay attention to the layout, says Morris, who currently lives with about 10 people in San Juan, Puerto Rico. She recommends homes that have a dining area in or near the kitchen – it’s better for socializing. “In co-living, a large part of shared time is spent cooking and eating together. It’s nice to have a place that combines those two,” she says.

And make sure bedrooms are away from noisy living areas, perhaps on a different floor, she adds. You’ll want a place where privacy and social time are balanced.

Depending on the size of the group you wish to share a home with, your setup may vary. For Cohen and Wolf, the home’s common living space is on the first floor, with bedrooms and offices on the second or third floor. Yes, there are large communal houses where rooms are shared between several people, but pooling resources with even just a few people can make having your own bedroom and bathroom a much more affordable option.

Are you ready to share household chores, difficulties and hobbies?

Cohabitation has its joys and challenges, so set your expectations accordingly.

Many people join co-ops to find a community with like-minded people, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be conflicts. Be open to communicating and resolving any issues that may arise with your roommates.

WOW House has a system for this, Wolf says. They hold two regular meetings at the house: one to address house chores and maintenance and one for house dynamics. The second meeting came when Wolf and his roommates noticed resentment starting to build over small issues. “We go around in a circle and everyone speaks their truth. And people just listen,” Wolf says.

Sindhu Gnanasambandan at a Halloween party with her roommates at their group house in Crown Heights, New York, in October 2023. Top L-R: Katie Maurer, Hannah Dugan, Stacey Reimann, Gnanasambandan, Chloe Sigal En bottom left to right: Tara Pham, Alli Gabbert, Ashrita Shetty.

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Marc Nakhla

Part of community living means sharing household tasks – and that includes chores. Each community distributes this differently. Sindhu Gnanasambandan lives with eight other people in a group home in Brooklyn, New York. Rather than rotating tasks with a chore wheel, she says each roommate takes on a more permanent “stewardship role” based on an area of ​​interest that appeals to them, like watering houseplants or fighting pests. parasites. Regardless of the type of accommodation you land in, you will need to contribute to the upkeep of the home.

Finally, don’t forget that sharing a space with more people also means sharing your hobbies. Gnanasambandan’s housemates have a wide range of interests and, as a result, so does she. “I dance a lot more than before. I sing a lot more than before,” she says.

The story was edited by Malaka Gharib and Beck Harlan. We would like to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

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