Dear Miss Manners: Between my husband and me, each of us previously got married to other people, we have four children, 11 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren.
We have been married with each other for almost 25 years. Six of the grandchildren and all the great grandchildren were born during our marriage.
I am particularly close to some grandchildren on his side of the family. But when I am with a group of friends and mentions something about children, I am often asked which of them are my “real” grandchildren.
I find that this question is extremely coarse, and I answer that we do not divide the grandchildren.
Is there a better way to answer this question? I thought of asking why the person wants to know, or why it is important.
Mild player: “They are all very real, the last time I checked.”
What you need is an answer that stops this line of investigation, and “Why do you want to know?” Isn’t that. You will only get a response of “I was just curious”, which always leaves you in a presentable form of “well, it is not your business”.
A person with a rapid spirit could even find a different reason for his question – say, be intrigued by family resemblances – which would extend the investigation.
If it was Miss Manners, she would extend it in a different way:
“Let me think,” she said. “Well, Lily is certainly real. She ends the university and continues to have a master’s degree. Kyle takes a sabbatical year, traveling to Asia, and it is real. Lauren does in a way that too – taking a leave of her law firm while she went to each baby, and she is made enough to make Garvin work. scary but exciting, and nothing real. And so on.
“But these are the grandchildren. The children are retired or retired, and talk about what they really want to do now. And you probably ask yourself questions about the great-grandchildren! Let’s see: Olga, Oliver and Tommy-He is named for my Tom-Plus Zelda and Sam. Tom and I love him to babySiter, so we know they are real.
And so on, as long as possible. Miss Manners can promise you that there will be no curiosity in these formerly crowded interrogators.
Dear Miss Manners: I plan to celebrate the 70th anniversary. I would prefer cash cards or gift cards to other gifts. Is it acceptable to ask my guests to money, because I need nothing else?
Soft reader: And they probably have the money they don’t need, so they could also give it to you?
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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