Dear Eric: My separate niece has a 9 year old daughter that we love a lot.
The father was married to someone else at the birth of the girl and died a few days later.
We firmly think that his parents have the right to know this fantastic child. The Petite-Nièce will eventually look for them. By letting them know now, this should facilitate the shock of learning later.
I must add that the little-niece constantly asks who is her father and if we know him. Value your advice.
– loving uncle
Dear uncle: Your first priority should be to navigate in what your little-niece knows about its parentage, especially since it asks. This is important information to receive on time appropriately and appropriately.
His mother, your niece, is a key element. It is not appropriate to go beyond the conversation with your little niece that his mother does not know.
This is complicated by distance. Not knowing the nature of the arrangement (how you can see the little-niece while being far from her mother, for example), my hands are a little attached. But the first step is to speak with your niece of what you hear about his daughter.
Dear Eric: Although I was six years older than my brother, I always considered us close. After our parents spent many years ago, it seemed to change.
I am grateful for the holidays and our birthdays because they are now the only time I receive a phone call. On each anniversary of the day of the birth or death of our mom and our father, I sent an SMS to a “thinking” message to my brother. He has always answered.
This year, the day of our father’s birthday, I did not send him SMS because I was sick of Covid and pneumonia. I received a quick recognition text late at night. In my answer, I told him about my illness. He replied with “Get Well Soon”.
At 72, this recent disease made me fall for more than a month. I expected what he phone to check me but I haven’t received one yet.
Therefore, I re -evaluate my relationship with my brother.
Although he is an intelligent man, a good father and a good husband, he is married to a demanding woman who did not encourage me, me and my husband, to be close to them neither my nieces and nephews. When my husband and I visit once or twice a year, we think that it is more an obligation on their part than a warm link. I have enough.
According to the past experience, I know that if I am, whatever my approach, it will become defensive and argumentative.
My only alternative is to continue clumsy by accepting that my life is not as important for him as I want to believe.
– Lost relationship
Dear relationship: One of the advantages of having a brother is that we know them several times throughout life. It can also be a challenge.
You and your brother have different communication styles. Although his lack of communication does not seem well to you, it may not be an indication that you are not important to him.
You have expectations and hopes for what the relationship should be, which is good. For example, you appreciate calls, especially important days or when you are sick. These are not ridiculous requests. But they may not be in your brother’s wheelhouse.
I know it’s disappointing and can be hurtful.
It can be useful to rethink when you felt closer to him and try to identify where these feelings came from. What were you doing at the same time and saying who meant this proximity to you? Are there any ways to adapt some of these things to your life now?
It will not be what it was – you write that many years have passed since that time and your family structure is different – but being proactive to recognize who your brother is and to manage your expectations for this person, you will feel less as if you are.
Dear Eric: Regarding “unpertified purse”, whose court had become toilets for dogs on a leash of neighbors: many dogs will not go on their own property and will not decide their distance from a leash before doing their business.
The writer can at least know that it is very unlikely that the neighbors do it on purpose.
If the neighbors knew that it was overwhelming for a private owner, they could probably train their dogs to advance a little further.
– dog accidents
Dear dog accidents: It is a useful context. Hopefully when they are informed of the problem, neighbors will help their dogs make different choices.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.
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