Dear Amy: “Glenda” and I have been friends for 43 years. Glenda and her sister “Brenda” are twins – and I’m friends with both!
Glenda’s 60th birthday was approaching. After months of pandemic deliberation and restrictions, we decided that a small group would be heading to a local casino for brunch and some fun.
Glenda, Brenda and I were in the plan. Glenda wanted to invite two friends but didn’t want her sister to invite anyone. However, Brenda and I have a mutual friend that we wanted to include. (All of these people were at my wedding, and we’ve all been friends for over 35 years).
We were going to take an Uber to take us so we could have more fun, but with Covid we were going to have to take two Uber’s and meet there. No problem, right?
Well, Glenda said it would NOT work. She insisted on going together and partying along the way.
Well you can’t drink at Ubers so partying on the way was out of the question.
We argued on the phone about the extra person her sister and I had invited.
She started the comment: “I thought you were MY friend and it’s MY birthday you’re ruining.”
She kept forgetting that she is a twin and that I am friends with both!
Amy, she said our friendship was over! Our friendship is over because of an Uber ride?
I miss Glenda and still make great friends with Brenda, but Glenda and I have a longer history.
My own 60th birthday has passed without fanfare and without Glenda.
We traded a few jokes on Facebook, and I even considered bringing her a “peace lily,” but maybe this friendship has had its day.
How should I fix it?
– Friendship with double trouble
Dear double problem: You know that great moment from the movie “Jaws” where the character of Richard Dreyfuss picks up a pan full of body parts and angrily declares: “It was NOT a boat accident?”
Well, this is NOT an Uber ride.
“Glenda” hasn’t “forgotten” that she happens to share a birthday with her twin, I assure you.
Her extremely selfish response to your plans seems very little about you and sharing a birthday with her twin.
Glenda, quite simply, doesn’t want to share.
In my opinion, the person who should deliver a “peace lily” is Glenda.
Of the two sisters, her twin “Brenda” received the best birthday present, which is an ongoing friendship with you.
Dear Amy: I have been with my boyfriend for 18 years. We are not married.
He asked me three times to get married, but he never made a commitment to me.
For six years we have been living with his parents.
His father is a tyrant who belittles his wife every day all day.
If he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets angry and acts worse than a three-year-old.
His father is 80, but I don’t blame his age for his meanness. Since I’ve known him he’s a selfish, mean, mean tyrant.
My boyfriend is the same.
Not as bad as his dad, but over the years his anger only got worse.
He has this chronic “I hate the world” attitude towards me.
Everything is my fault. He belittles me and belittles me.
We don’t have kids or pets so no worries there and again we’re not married. Am I wrong to leave our relationship?
Dear tired: In the time it took you to draft your question, you could have contacted a friend, family member (or been on Craigslist) and found a temporary housing situation to get you out of this home.
I hope you will.
Dear Amy: “Just Sayin ‘” asserted that women should defend themselves better against trial and error and sexual assault.
I also taught my daughter not to accept harassment from anyone.
My beautiful daughter is 5’10 “, daring and very intelligent!
And then one day (when she was 19) a colleague raped her.
He had harassed her at work before, but she was powerless to push back.
My beautiful daughter found in her to go to the police and the rapist was convicted.
I admire his bravery. The victim is NOT at fault.
– Mother of a warrior
Dear mother: I am in awe of her too!
(You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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