Dear Amy: I am a successful woman in my early thirties.
I am currently happy in my life. I have a good job, I have both accomplishments in the past and aspirations for the future, I have a loving husband, I take care of myself and I feel cared for in my everyday life .
But I also have demons from the past trying to slip into the scene.
I was sexually abused as a young child, had very difficult relationships when I was a young adult, and more recently I had a very violent relationship during my years. graduate studies five years ago.
I have moved away from these events and am proud of who I am today. But at the same time, I experience this incredible cognitive dissonance between these images of myself as a proud, confident, successful woman at the top of her game and this helpless, depressed and insecure woman at the core. I feel disgusted by the second sight of myself. Shameful. Angry!
I see a therapist every week. But most of the time, I’m so ashamed to bring up these things, even though he’s well aware of it, that I focus more on my forward momentum, rather than my ugly past.
I fear that bringing up my past will rekindle those traumas and find myself in this scared place.
Where would I start? Is it better to focus on the positive in front of you, or dive in and dive into the ugliness behind you?
– Fear of shaking the boat
Dear fear: That’s a great question, and you could start by asking your therapist a “process” question: “Do you think it’s best for me to keep focusing on my forward movement, or should- do I dive into my past trauma? It scares me to do that.
You are hard on yourself as survivors often are. It goes with the territory.
Please understand that your therapist provides a safe place for you to be brave, afraid, uncertain, upset, confident, confused, and emotional.
All of these feelings and reactions are completely legitimate because they are genuinely yours.
He might point out that you don’t need to ‘tread’ or ‘dive in’, but that you can safely afford to ‘visit’ the places that scare you the most and learn to let go of those negative emotions and memories. cross you, instead. to stay with you.
Self-awareness and self-acceptance will allow you to mellow out, and while this is sort of a cliché, “making friends” with your younger, vulnerable and injured version will help you come full circle and help you come full circle. to move forward as a fully integrated person with a difficult past and a very bright future.
Dear Amy: Is it rude to yawn when talking to someone if you make an honest effort to hide / choke them, and apologize or say, “Excuse me? “
I suffer from depression and often I don’t sleep well.
I also have sinus problems which can make it difficult to breathe.
My boyfriend knows these things, but he always gets mad when I yawn during conversations.
He says it’s contemptuous and rude, even though I use verbal and physical cues to show that I’m still listening.
I don’t think it’s any different from sneezing during a conversation.
What do you think?
Dear tired: I agree with your boyfriend that seeing someone yawn during a conversation is off-putting and seems contemptuous and rude at the time.
However, your boyfriend knows why you are doing this. He must understand that your yawns are frequent and that your bodily functions are out of control.
You could probably understand that it might take a while for him to adjust to this habit, but he should NOT get angry or lash out at you when this happens.
Dear Amy: Your response to “Still destroying my life” was too subtle!
The woman who wrote this had a toxic mother who interfered with the way she was raising her own children.
You used a lot of flowery language (“You just never stop hoping for the day when you can heal all wounds …”), but you should have told this parent that she must protect her children – first. , last and always!
– Upset (With YOU)
Dear upset: I empathized with this adult daughter’s emotional conflict, but the last line of my response was the most important: “Every decision you should make should be in your best interests and that of your immediate family. “
(You can email Amy Dickinson at email@example.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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