This guy just found a new way to misinterpret “Watchmen”

NEW YORK –– Seymour Roche, a 38-year-old Twitter user, is breaking new ground in media illiteracy by finding a new way to misinterpret Alan Moore’s seminal comic book series, “Watchmen.” Paving the way for misunderstandings that had previously only been explored by Zack Snyder and Damon Lindeloff, Roche sat down in a recent interview to explain his journey of bastardizing Moore’s iconic series.

“I started out like everyone else,” Roche said. “I was like, oh, the fucking rules of Rorschach. He’s just Batman if he was a normal guy. He’s just rational and everything he does makes perfect sense. Why would you paralyze a criminal when you can kill his dogs, cut off his arm and burn down his house?

Roche’s bookshelf is littered with comic books and a strange shrine to Steve Ditko – from whom he tried to avert our gaze by coughing aggressively. “But then,” Roche continued, “I realized I was out of line. 2009 is here and Snyder is making it cooler than I could have ever imagined. “I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!’ » Roche shouted a little too loudly for comfort.

After readjusting himself and showing off his “Eric Adams for Mayor” shirt, Roche detailed his second leap into the world of media illiteracy. “You know, I sat down and re-read the book several times. I just knew there was subtext underneath all the cool scenes of The Comedian shooting people and Ozymandias dropping this squid on New York,” Roche explained, before suggesting the U.S. should drop a squid of similar design on the Gaza Strip.

“This book really explains how good utilitarianism actually is. I also played with the idea of ​​how Moore says superheroes should be cops,” he noted.

“What is truly spectacular about Seymour is not his actual ideas. It’s the way he combines them all to create this exceptional incomprehension of the source material,” says media illiteracy expert Walter Higgins.

“You see these really incredible things in a vacuum, like Damon Lindeloff using a black woman as a vehicle to insinuate that cops are gods. Really amazing stuff, but Seymour here brings all these things together and really breaks new ground. I am blown away by his thesis that Ozymandias represents not the global conspiracy of the Jewish cabal, but the gay cabal of Eastern Europe. Truly exceptional. Alan Moore would be disgusted.

Multiple sources contacted Moore, who quickly told them that life was meaningless and that we were all doomed to burn for eternity.