Even the smallest, most ordinary sentences can have a big impact on how people perceive you.
During a job interview, a few words can make the difference between you looking like a confident candidate and someone who is unsure of their qualifications, for example. It’s important to choose your words carefully and use assertive language, say authors and communications experts Kathy and Ross Petras.
“The key is to be assertive without being too aggressive,” the Petras wrote for CNBC Make It last year. This strategy can be particularly useful when communicating with a boss, colleague, friend or partner, they added.
These three phrases achieve the opposite goal, making you unintentionally appear weak and insecure, experts say:
“I’m sorry to ask this, but…”
Saying “I’m sorry” may seem like a courteous thing to do, but overusing the phrase – especially in situations that don’t require an apology – can lessen the impact of what you say next and reduce the weight of future apologies.
“When you use apologetic words (for example, “I’m sorry, I have one last question” or “Maybe it’s just me, but…”), it can come across as that you are demeaning yourself,” the Petras wrote. . “Or it may minimize a request you’re trying to make.”
Just ask whatever you want: “Can you please forward this email to me?” or “Could you help me mirror my laptop screen?” – and end with a “thank you”.
“I’ve just…”
Saying “I’m coming” also waters down everything that follows, says communications consultant Danny Rubin.
“‘I just want to ask…’ ‘It’ll just take a minute…’ ‘I’m just saying…’ Weak. Weak. Weak,” Rubin wrote for Make It in 2018. “‘Just’ is a bit of a word with big implications. Every time we use “just,” it suggests that we are wasting someone’s time. No, if you have something important to say, say it.
If you’re nervous or insecure in a meeting or conversation, changing a few words won’t change how you feel. But you can prepare your mind for these situations by doing calming exercises like meditating, taking a walk, reciting affirmations or practicing breathing techniques, says human resources manager Simon Taylor.
These can help you “get over your nervousness and ground you,” he told Make It last year.
‘I don’t know’
“I don’t know” is a common filler phrase, or crutch word, to fill space until people can complete their thoughts.
It can also make you appear incompetent.
Instead, say something like: “That’s a really interesting question. Give me a minute to think about it,” Eric Yaverbaum, CEO of public relations firm Erico Communications, told Make It in February 2023.
This is especially true during job interviews, where you might be asked an unexpected question.
“It’s easier to say ‘I have no idea’ when faced with a problem than to try to come up with a solution,” Yaverbaum said. “Being calm and confident in your answer tells the interviewer that you are a team player and comfortable with problem solving, skills that everyone looks for in their employees.”
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