DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have several old friends who we visit during our vacations.
A friend talks bad about one of our wonderful friends all the time when we’re at his house together. When she visits him, he is nicer than a pie to her face.
I want to tell him to stop talking about herself, but I know it will turn into a fight.
What is the best way to handle this? This friend is my husband’s long-time boyfriend.
— Traitor
DEAR BACKSTABBER: The next time this friend talks negatively about your mutual friend, ask them to stop. Tell him it’s really hard for you to hear these things about him.
Be prepared to defend your thoughts here, knowing that it is not okay to be a bystander to negativity. Sometimes you have to fight back. Be prepared to argue on his behalf and suggest that if he has real problems with her, he should speak to her directly.
What you shouldn’t do is report to him. It will only hurt her. For now, however, you absolutely can and should defend her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a difficult situation regarding my career choices.
Currently, I have an incredibly stressful, but well-paying job. However, I am considering changing companies or career paths that may not offer the same level of financial compensation because I simply don’t know how long I will be able to do this job.
This decision left me feeling uncertain and worried about what steps I should take to pursue this change.
I’m torn between the comfort of financial stability and the desire for a more fulfilling and satisfying career path. This is a difficult decision to make, and I carefully weigh the pros and cons before taking any final action. Please give me some ideas.
— Money or achievement
DEAR MONEY OR ACCOMPLISHMENT: I recently spoke to a healthcare professional about the various health crises many people are experiencing today.
She reminded me that stress is at the top of the list of triggers for catastrophic physical events in people’s lives. It sounds like you’re feeling too stressed right now, which is a clear indication that the change is wise.
How can you do it? Review your budget. How much money have you saved that could help you during a transition? If you need to save more, can you refocus your focus on that goal rather than succumbing to the emotional pressures of work? If you have to leave immediately no matter what, think about what changes are necessary to be able to survive. Do you need to move? Downsize ? Find a roommate? What will it take?
Refine your resume and start applying for other jobs. Become proactive in finding the next part of your life. Think about what could bring you more satisfaction, even if it pays less than your current job.
The goal here is to be proactive. Create a plan that will get you out of this unhealthy work environment and into a situation where you can thrive. But you have to have a plan. Don’t be reactive.
Be strategic and maintain a positive attitude for the future. This is what will attract exactly what you need. Also make sure to drink plenty of water, eat healthy foods, get as much rest as possible, move your body, and stay hopeful.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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