The photos triggered me and I told the truth about their sister

Dear Eric: Many years ago, I was married to a woman who, after having divorced, admitted that she cheated on me with a married man.

She asked for forgiveness and I took it back. Nevertheless, it did not work and, fortunately, we had no children, so it was easy to finally get out of the situation.

I am married now and I hear that it is too.

I discovered old photos that my mother saved that sparked unpleasant memories. I contacted the brother and sister of my first wife and told them that their sister was an adultery who had destroyed two marriages, mine and the guy with whom she had cheated.

The only person who does not know is his father, who is now an elderly widower.

On the one hand, I think he should know the true story of what happened with his daughter and me. On the other hand, I think it is enough that the brother and the sister know it.

Should I just drop it and move on? Tell Papa the real story?

– an image and a thousand words

Dear image: If you do not pass, you will actively invite the kind of chaos and unhappiness in your life that you sought to escape by leaving your marriage. So, do not continue to inform his family members about what they have done.

In fact, it’s better if you don’t communicate with his family at all. You are no longer in a relationship, so this kind of handing the hand is not appropriate.

It is understandable that the image has brought the feelings to last, but I encourage you to speak with a friend or with a therapist on how to better manage them.

Trying to support your ex -wife – even with the truth – will not feel better. This will create drama and conflicts to people who are not involved.

With respect, it seems that you wanted to take revenge. Judging by your experience is an imaginable emotional response, but you can’t stop there. Even if the family has contacted you, asking you what’s wrong, you don’t need to get involved.

There are things that are not resolved for you of this marriage, but you will not repair them by staying in the conflict. Treat yourself to the gift of freedom by treating what you feel, finding healthier means to manage these feelings and leaving marriage and its injuries in the past.

Dear Eric: Even before the pandemic, I worked full -time a distant job at home.

I had to face people (friends, family, neighbors, etc.) thinking that “working at home” is equal to “free to do what I want, when I want”.

I receive a lot of requests to “go out simply lunch today” or “let’s go an early happy hour” or “let’s go shopping”. Most of the time, these come from people who (a) are retired, (b) have a flexible schedule or (c) are on quarter work that does not work when I work.

I am very devoted to my work and generally, unless I have a medical appointment or something of this nature, I work. Therefore, in response to these invitations, I explained (several times) that I work the eight hours that everyone in an office works – but they do not seem to get it. “You can remove only an hour!”

I continue to explain my hours, but I can’t be the only one to go through there, right? What does everyone say who cannot be interpreted as rude?

– eight -hour day

Dear eight hours: A certain rudeness could be in order because these people simply do not get it and at this stage, it seems intentional. Ok, let’s call it “the sharp franchise”.

The form and nature of the work at a distance varies from work to employment. Some people can take a happy hour or a long lunch and not have consequences, but most others cannot.

Your friends seem to voluntarily ignore that. I would no longer waste time and energy to try to explain it.

If these requests arrive during the working day, you could put these contacts behind the features of your phone, you do not have to engage with them until you are sold.

You could also respond to the next invitation with a firm reminder: “I work the same hours a week. I want to see you when I left, but stop inviting me to do things during the day. It gives me the impression of not respecting myself.”

The barrier between work and family life can be more difficult to navigate when there is no physical separation. But you have a clear internal limit, which works for you and for your work.

It is healthy to let people know that if they do not respect the limits we have set, we sometimes have to withdraw for the health of the relationship.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @ouric and register for his weekly newsletter in Rercthomas.com.