The most difficult part of parenting my teenager is to let go

• Parenting my teenager was not difficult until I realized that I was not ready to let her go.
• I became strangely sticky and I was afraid to repel it.
• The refocusing on myself helped me hope for the future and a new version of our relationship.

When my daughter was a Adorably cheeky toddlerIt seemed that each older person I met said to me: “Wait until they were a teenager!” Before sharing a story of horror linked to adolescents.

I hated all the negativity and refused to believe that a Difficult parent-ideal connection was inevitable. I worked hard to maintain a healthy relationship, and at 17, my daughter rarely rolls on me. She still likes to spend time, has a nice boyfriend and an incredible group of friends, and swings the high school.

I was not prepared for the awareness that struck me when I made a sign of good night to his boyfriend a few months ago; I I no longer know its best. Instead of sharing her secrets with me, she shares them with him or his besties in the group cat. Although she lives her best life, I have fun with the fact that this incredible human spreads his wings, and my work is to step back, to watch her hover and to be a stable and sweet place if she needs to crash.

I was surprised by my reaction to its growing independence

Having a graduate diploma in psychology, I understood that it was a normal and healthy part of Individualization of adolescentsThe process that allows adolescents to fully develop their sense of self and become functional adults. But nothing prepared me for the disorder of my own emotions. I was horrified to find myself pivoting her with questions, bursting on her conversations and feeling injured when her father knew something I didn’t have. My sadness made me stand stronger when I was supposed to let go.

“The feeling of sorrow is sometimes surprising for people because they do not see it as sorrow,” said my neighbor Carla Corral, a approved clinical psychologist whose eldest daughter is a second year student in college. “We do not lose someone, on the right, death or illness or the steep end of a relationship, but It’s sorrow. “”

I did not like the way my sorrow made me insert in my daughter’s life. I felt in need, sticky and resolutely not cool. I didn’t want to repel her or make her feel that she needed to take care of my feelings. It was time to grab me.

I had to change my behavior or risk repelling it

I gave how exciting life was when I was age and how much I felt impatient and capable. I move away from my current point of view as a worried mom helped me see how intelligent, responsible and prepared my daughter is. I also drew my attention to myself and my dreams for the future. I grew up dancing, so I joined a tap class. It’s an excellent exercise and so fun. Instead of gifts for Christmas, I gave my friends a breakfast or a lunch date to prioritize the tête-à-tête connection.

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I started again to journal to throw my concerns on the page rather than on my daughter. This helped me see some of my concerns as ridiculous and others as important points to chat before his departure. I keep remembering that my parent work is changing, but it’s not over. Making my life more on me allowed these glued behaviors to fade, and when they appear occasionally, I take a deep inspiration and focuses on something I love.

While I soak up the time I have with her – including family cinema evenings, a spring vacation trip to visit her university of first choice, and long conversations while walking the dog – I build a list of things I want to do after starting the university, like visiting friends, volunteering for a local land trust and joining my husband for some of her work.

I remember that I loved each step to be a mom, even with the challenges, and I trust that I will appreciate the parenting of a young adult. The part of my work which involved driving it and ensuring that its duties have been turned can be done, but I know that there are wonderful moments to come for both of us, together and apart.