“Jimmy Kimmel Live!” Animator Jimmy Kimmel was back in Sage Tuesday at Disney Upfront, and at the beginning, he seems that he can do it from a distance – his daughter is about to give birth, so it was touch and go if he would be able to give his annual monologue in person.
“I’m going to be a grandfather, and once I am a grandfather, I can’t wait to see this thing we have been talking about for so many years,” he said in a pre-tape. “What do they call it again?” Oh, no, “CBS”. I hear great things of the youngest. (It was one of the many old jokes at the expense of the eye network.)
But after the pre-tape (with the special guest Dr. Dre!), In which Kimmel offered the sale of denomination rights for his grandchild (yes, he knows that Seth Meyers made a similar joke on Monday, more on this subject in a second), he always went out in person in the Javits Center to roast the industry, and in particular his Disney counterbags.
It started, of course with Supreme Disney Poobah Bob Iger: “I do it once a year, like an examination of the prostate, but it is difficult to say no when Bob Iger presents itself,” he said. “Bob Iger passionately directed Disney for 20 years and reluctantly for three.
(Photo of Iger announcing the new Disneyland in Abu Dhabi.)
“Here he buys a mountain. I’m kidding. The mountain was a gift from Qatar. You think Bob has a shit on the dust of “The Rookie” “, Bob does not care about this whole piece in` Avengers: Endgame ” Dust. But he showed up. You know why it appeared. You know you can ask Cat GPT to make another success, right?
Kimmel noted that he normally roasts the networks harshly at the fronts, but this year, the story was much more positive for the Big 4. “It is a strange experience for me, because generally I go out here to distract you from the fact that we will die, but in one way or another television, like Jesus before us, increased again,” he said. “Among the four major networks, NBC, ABC, CBS and Fox, only one of us has not seen the number of viewers increase from year to year. Now, I’m not going to tell you which one is, because it doesn’t matter, so don’t ask. Just be happy for all of us. We do not need good grades at ABC, Disney, Hulu, ESPN, FX, IP.
(On the screen, in the Disney script, letters read “RIP”)
“We should have refused this, but you have the idea, no one touches our IP, and if we do it, we will pursue them,” he said.
Kimmel then turned his attention to NBC, and sales manager Mark Marshall – who appeared at the NBCU in advance in a “nasty” Glinda bubble on Monday. “Speaking of imminent death, I want to wish a happy birthday to these courageous centenarians of NBC,” said Kimmel. “This wrinkled peacock is 100 years old, which is incredible. NBC is finally old enough to watch CBS. The president of world advertising of NBC, Mark Marshall, said yesterday, his network has amassed the largest collection of content ever assembled by a media company. I assume that Mark has never heard of Pornhub.”
(Close-up Piche de Marshall, with a cheeky smile.)
“Although, on the basis of the expression of his face, I have the impression that he did,” said Kimmel. “But listen, Mark’s personal masturbation habits are not business to you. And shame for you to have thought about it.
“In the end, this is only a cock measurement competition, and NBC always has the biggest: Dick Wolf, the Michael Jordan of character actors being kicked out in the park. Dick has six shows on NBC and two on CBS, including a new called” CIA “.” “”
Kimmel had a little fun with the somewhat generic line line that has been shared so far about the show: “‘CIA’ has an interesting premise,” he said. “It is one program in two partners, both in the application of laws. One of them is by the book, but the other and I am actually happy that you are seated, because this is where it goes crazy. The other does not play according to the rules. I play according to his own rules. I know that is why the writers had to strike, to stop AI. Or as our education secretary calls it ”.
He had not finished with the eyeworthiness.
The new show of Fox “ Memory of a Killer ” was not spared: “This concerns a hitman in Alzheimer, which seems bad, but it is in fact very sad,” he said. “He continues to kill the same guy again and again, and it’s boring.”
But, he noted, ABC has only a new scripted series announced for the fall: “9-1-1: Nashville”. “At least CBS and Fox make shows. ABC we ordered a new show like a spin-off of an old show, which really makes the question, what are we doing here? We risk our lives that fly in Newark for this? I mean, if you were going to a restaurant, and the server said: “ our special tonight is last year’s fish “,” wouldn’t you eat it? No, you wouldn’t want to. Our fish is not fresh.
“But you know, we have a grandmother of season 2 of” The Golden Bachelor “. Say what you are going about ABC, we are always the only network where you can see the pop-pop get a squeezer in a whirlpool.
Do children even watch television? “Deloitte has just investigated, and the investigation has shown that viewers of the Z generation and the millennium spent more time on social networks than watching television,” noted Kimmel. “Yeah, no shit. I think we needed an investigation to know that? Fuck You, Deloitte. And what do you know? Fucking these ingrat bags. Are you too cool for the game ”? Well, guess what? When you have children and you need” moana “to keep the little silent saltards for two hours, you will come back Disney like dogs! ”
Netflix, you notice: “Disney has 164 million active users per month on our advertising platforms, more than double the number of Netflix ads. I don’t have a joke for that. I just wanted you to know that we finally beat these ass!”
Back to refine the Disney Co., he referred to the new ESPN sports platform. “Now you may ask, what does that mean for ESPN +, who is on my phone?” Do you want to get rid of this? No, ESPN + is there to stay. All right? So, will I have more content on ESPN + than I do on ESPN? No, you will get less content on ESPN +. The most is now, in many ways, a fewer ways. in your family.
The new platform was originally called “Flagship”, but this will not be the case, noted Kimmel, because “we do not give bad names of names, simply ask” FX on Hulu on Disney + “. So that this mysterious news training service will be called?
Not really original, he joked. “This is why they call us imaginations … We forgot that we had to find a name for this thing until this morning, and we had it. And what do you know?
This is a reference to the new name of the cable spin-off to NBCU. “” Payer “is a perfect game. It already looks like something that you subscribe by accident,” he said. “The slope portfolio includes MSNBC, CNBC, USA, Oxygen, E, Syfy, The Golf Channel and Golf now. Each channel that a wedding without sex may need. According to their president, the Public Public is the most devoted public in industry, which is impressive because the fact that they did not even exist until yesterday.”
Are we condemned to artificial intelligence taking all our jobs? “It will not take long before all this event which brings us together will be a time of purchase of Bots AI on the emissions made by IA robots that humans look at the platforms programmed and exploited by AI robots,” said Kimmel. “So who wants to get on the roof and drink rat poison?”
Kmmel noted that Disney touting its position as “the number one multi-platform-form. What does that mean? We don’t know. And we hope you don’t even listen to. I may not see you again. I don’t think a computer, even the most powerful computer, will never be able to do what you do.
“Each year, our audience becomes smaller, and we tell you that it is larger and that we want more for less, and it is exhausting. I know that we are boring and unreasonable, and you have shitty work because of this, but at least you have shit work, all these children who are starting to get this weekend, who knows, they might not be stupid. As long as we can.
Kimmel finished on an important note, urging public advertisers to support journalism and “60 minutes”.
“I know that is not part of our multi-platform platform, but the 60-minute support,” he said. “They deserve it. You have power because you have the money to support journalism. It’s important, and it doesn’t work without you. ”
Kimmel has been shifted and on the start in recent years due to many problems often beyond his call – he was in a javits last year, but in 2023 Kimmel did not attend the Hollywood WGA strikes. And in 2022, he was in New York – but had to be radiated to do his routine after having tested positive for Covid.
Kimmel noted that he had almost pulled his preliminary tape when he discovered that Meyer had made a similar joke on the denomination rights of the family yesterday, but he joked: “We recorded this a week ago, and I thought of killing him. But I also thought of Dr Dre killing, to have him drive to Hollywood to make makeup for a problem. Motherfucking Dre, Bobby Baby! »»
