Techno Claus Holiday Gift Ideas

Techno Claus (who looks suspiciously like “Sunday Morning” correspondent David Pogue) offers some gift suggestions for those on your vacation list who love gadgets, for work and play:

Hello, dear gentlemen, let’s all take a break
And welcome to my visit, Techno Claus!
I come to propose high-tech gift ideas,
A job that I have done now for 14 consecutive years.
I am happy to be here in your beautifully adorned hall,
Cheap suit, irremovable accent and all.

MuteMe button ($40)

The stupid pandemic has given so much fruit
As people on Zoom shout, “You’re on mute!”
It won’t happen to me! Because look what I have:
When it’s green, they can hear you; when they are red, they cannot.
No hassle with icons for this cheerful elf;
I will never make a donkey out of _______ again.

Hotdot Rechargeable Hand Warmers ($30)

These chemical hand warmers are not to my liking,
You use them once, then they are nothing but waste.
But these are electric! Refillable, see?
Both sides give you heat to the degree of your choice.
Winter doesn’t have to mean “cold to the bone” anymore.
And hey, in no time you can charge your phone!

Renpho Cordless Jump Rope ($26)

So guess what I do for my exercise? NOPE!
It’s a bit like jumping rope, without the rope!
Low ceilings? No problem! Tight spaces? Long hair ?
You can even practice if you’re stuck in a chair!
It counts your jumps on your phone, or right here,
And if you prefer a real rope, don’t worry!

JBL Clip 4 Bluetooth Speaker ($45)

You know who likes music while working? My elves!
But regular speakers sit on the shelves.
But this one is portable, built with a clip
For your car, or your workbench, or even your hip.
Sound and bass are superb for the size
And it’s also waterproof – that’s a pleasant surprise!

CovoBox ($57+)

Before: a disaster of cables and hardware.
And after: I made all that filth disappear!
It’s true! Don’t be fooled by stylish looks:
This is handmade storage from a bundle of books.
The books have been saved, if that’s not enough
What would have been a dump can now hide your belongings from you!

KJOY LED Car Sign ($60)

How many times have you, while driving somewhere,
You had a thought to express to a driver there?
Don’t be silent anymore! Paste this Bluetooth display,
Choose a message here, then broadcast it!
A warning, a thank you, a how are you,
Or make animations – it’s up to you!

Therabody Smart Glasses ($200)

The world, let’s face it, we stress
We have more headaches and we sleep much less.
But these things massage you in places like these,
And it’s hot; you can make them as hot as you want.
The app offers tips for finding your peace
And a monitor measures the decrease in your heart rate.
At 200 smackers, I know they ain’t cheap
But who puts a price on refreshment and sleep?

Here it is, dear gentlemen: a bonus of pleasure.
I hope you enjoyed them; now I have to run!
I always use the reindeer to get me going
Because nobody makes a rechargeable sled!

Story produced by David Rothman. Publisher: Mike Levine.