A few years ago, my eldest son asked if his friend Mark could stay temporarily with us. Mark was a business student in a neighboring college and his Campus accommodation had fallen. With the semester about to start, he had nowhere to turn. Bringing with us was a short -term solution.
Mark is still there.
Shortly after, another friend of my sons stayed with us for the summer, sleeping on a sofa bed in an unused study. Then came another, who worked part -time by delivering packages, and needed a place to crash the nights, he was too tired to bring the 30 miles home.
My house has become involuntarily somehow a Frat house. In addition to my two sons, aged 20 and 23, there are often two to four Young men live here at any time. They could be between jobs and houses, or visit them from another state. Their friends arrive regularly. Weekends can be noisy. Poker, video games, pizza deliveries and booming laughs fill the house. I love it – especially.
Our house needed new energy
This unusual life arrangementHowever, started with a much more altruistic intention. The death of my husband a few years ago left a giant void in the life of my sons.
Suddenly, our house, a place formerly filled with the gregarious spirit of my husband, was painfully empty. This did not help our house be large and calm, perched on a hill miles from the bustle of the city which could have brought life and energy in space. The lighting is dark, and at night, the only sounds we hear are the hoe of an owl or the distant cry of a coyote. For some, it could be attractive, plus a peaceful retirement. But for two young men, crying the sudden loss of their father, the isolation which once felt familiar now has only made up their grief. They felt isolated.
“I think it will be good for us,” said my eldest son when he made his cause for Mark. “We need someone else around.”
He was not wrong. As soon as Mark moved, the energy of the house has changed. He has not only brought his personal effects – he brought a feeling of novelty and a whole new social dynamic. Him and my sonAll about the same age, shared similar interests, which gives the impression of having almost a third brother under the roof.
The same could be said for each new tenant, because they are always real friends. Respect for me and the rules of the chamber are not negotiable: these are in particular drugs of any kind, to ask for my permission to have someone and to clean after themselves. As a practicing Hindou, there are many days of religious significance that I observe, and these days, I ask these young men not to cook or consume animal products at home. Short showers, complete loads of linen, turning off the lights, I expect them to follow all the basic principles of the space of someone else’s space.
It’s not always easy, but it’s okay
Until now, the advantages of having these guests have largely exceeded the disadvantages. Of course, I had to sail in the occasional heap of dirty sneakers left negligently on the ground or conferences on platforms in spaghetti sauce thrown into the sink. To manage chaos, I set up a lost box and found to store the stray items. Contact lens solution, jackets, random chargers and everything that is not claimed in a month is thrown.
Instead of rent, I ask them to take a variety of chores. I create group conversations with anyone who lives here at the time, including my sons. Together, we monitor who worked and nourished the dog, collected from court waste or released the trash. One of our customers rented a professional carpet and furnishings on my behalf, another has eliminated my garage and sold my unwanted items on Craigslist. They led me to the airport, moved furniture and made house painting. One, who worked part -time in a restaurant, has prepared a dinner several times.
Above all, these young adults are simply grateful for a place to live – whether for a few months, or, like Mark, three years old. And I am grateful to the integrated camaraderie to which my boys arrive at home.
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