‘SNL’ Ends Season With Donald Trump and Kristi Noem Insanity

The season 49 finale of Saturday Night Live began with a message from Donald Trump from James Austin Johnson. From “his new home, the barricades outside a Manhattan courthouse,” Trump admitted to his supporters that he hadn’t enjoyed the last few weeks.

“They say very mean things about me while I’m trying to sleep,” he complained, before insisting that he would love to testify in court himself. “I am not at all afraid to testify. I just won’t do it, out of fear. You see, they do a terrible thing when you testify, which is they write it down, and we don’t like it…”

As he spoke, a member of the jury (played by actress Sarah Sherman) took the stage. She quickly realized she was being filmed, panicked and left. “Oh, she was a juror, did you see her face?” » Trump said. “Everyone just saw his face and now his life is over, folks. My men are going to take a screenshot of his face and send it to hell. Oh, we like to do dox.

Trump introduced viewers to some recent GOP figures who have been in the news a lot lately, from South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott to the “late, great Hannibal Lecter,” whom Trump praised at a recent rally. Among her guests was Kristi Noem, of Heidi Gardner, the South Dakota governor who shot her own dog and bragged about it in her new book.

Noem took the stage holding a gun in one hand and a dog in the other. “Just kidding, it’s a fake dog,” she said, “but it’s a real weapon.”

Trump reflected on the pros and cons of nominating her as vice president: “You know, Kristi might be an interesting choice for vice president, because on the one hand, she shot a dog, which doesn’t is really not possible… But on the other hand, she shot a dog, which is pretty awesome.

“I kill goats too,” Noem bragged, and Trump had to gently nudge her off the stage by telling her, “Okay, you’re just making it worse, honey.”

After all the guests had left, Trump promised viewers that he was planning another attempted January 6-style insurrection, this time in July. “It’s going to be fun to see all those guys back at the Capitol, but this time in shorts,” he said.

The former president ended his message with a final appeal: “Remember: If you are tired of hearing about all my trials, just vote for me, and this will all go away.”