“She had certain expectations: Martin Short laughs off reports that Melania would not return to the White House

Comedian Martin Short roasted former President Donald Trump on Tuesday while hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

“What would Jimmy usually do right now?” » Short, who was filling in for Kimmel during his summer vacation, asked sidekick Guillermo Rodriguez as he launched into his monologue.

“He would talk about Donald Trump,” Rodriguez responded.

“Well, I guess you can’t go to Outback Steakhouse without ordering the Bloomin’ Onion,” Short said.

From there, the “Only Murders in the Building” star addressed the question of who the ex-president’s running mate will be, noting that Trump has reportedly narrowed his selection to a trio of Republicans.

“It was four, but OJ is dead, so…” Martin joked, referring to the recent death of the football legend who was acquitted of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman in 1994.

Martin then looked at Trump’s potential choices for vice president.

“What a choice Trump has in his little hands,” he said. The first option, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, “sounds like the name of your most annoying colleague.” » The second choice, Sen. Marco Rubio, R-Fla., once called Trump a crook, Short said. . “Or should we go to doormat number three?” ” He continued. “Ohio Sen. JD Vance,” a Republican who said Trump was cynical “like Nixon or American Hitler.”

“When have you ever said something like that about someone and then changed your mind?” » Short asked the crowd.

Short then mocked Trump’s baseless argument that Biden would use drugs to ensure he gets through the upcoming presidential debate, showing a clip of the former president’s rally in Pennsylvania last weekend .

“So a little bit before the debate starts, he gets shot in the ass,” Trump said. “I say he’s going to come out stoned,” he added, before separately claiming that a bag of cocaine found in the White House last year was Biden’s.

“He’s something, this Trump. He says he wants them both to take a drug test before the debate,” Short said, joking about the ages of the two presidential candidates. “Do you have any idea how long it takes to get a urine sample from men almost 80 years old? I’m 74 years old and the only time I don’t need to pee is when I pee.

Staying on theme with his “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” Trump jokes, “Short also went on a tangent about former first lady Melania Trump, responding to reports that she would not live with her husband in the White House if he were re-elected.

“Melania apparently hated her time in Washington, but she would still come to Washington for state dinners and official events,” Short said. “Yeah, that’s where she really comes alive,” he added, before showing a photo of Melania sitting impassively next to the former president.

“I actually have a little bit of empathy for Melania,” Short continued. “I mean, (when) she got married, she had certain expectations, and those expectations were that the average life expectancy of an American man would be 76.3 years.”