In the nearly 40 years since the one-two punch of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Star Trek: The Next Generation ignited my enthusiasm for Gene Roddenberry’s sci-fi juggernaut, I’ve seen the franchise reaching highs (the Dominion War arc on Deep Space Nine, the First Contact movie, the ongoing Paramount+ series Strange New Worlds) and lows (the Voyager episode “Threshold”, the Enterprise finale, the gloomy boredom of the first season of Picard). But with all that, there’s one phrase I’ve never said in reaction to a movie or show under the Trek umbrella – especially since it’s the rallying cry of so many bad-faith idiots who monetize negativity on the internet. But Star Trek in direct streaming The movie Section 31 initiated a fundamental breach in my soul, and my reaction is simple: “This is not Star Trek. »
Originally intended as a spinoff series on Michelle Yeoh’s Star Trek: Discovery character Philippa Georgiou, Terran Emperor turned Federation infiltrator benefactor, Section 31 is coming to Paramount+ as 100 minutes of generic oligo-only schlock. Star Trek elements. . If you were to remove the tricorder sound effects from the mix, remove an occasional Delta shield, and cut its titular black ops organization’s connection to Starfleet, you’d just think, damn, this chintzy Syfy movie sure knows how to copy from The Hunger Games and Guardians of the Galaxy (and X-Men and The Fifth Element) but knows absolutely nothing about originality. Or engaging.
Although it would still be boring, Article 31 could actually be better if you come to this without any knowledge of Star Trek traditions. This way, at least, you won’t wonder how screenwriter Craig Sweeny and director Olatunde Osunsanmi completely ruined the entire Trek. ethos – its admittedly cheesy core principles of exploration, optimism, and the pursuit of righteous achievement. (There’s a reason we Star Trek jerks were bullied a lot in middle school.) Section 31 is nothing but a lousy, uninteresting caper picture with mediocre special effects, bad acting (yes, even Yeoh), cringeworthy dialogue, and characters you don’t care about .
I will try to explain the principle as quickly as possible, even if the summary form of Article 31 does not make it the easiest task. After recalling Philippa’s bloody ascension to the throne of what we called the Mirror Universe, we discover where she ended up after leaving Section 31 in Discovery’s third season: “outside the space of the Federation”, ruling a cosmic world. Rick’s American Café where the main attraction seems to be dim lighting and music that sounds like it was produced in 2024. His old secret outfit has been reimagined as Impossible Mission Force or Charlie’s Angels – starring Yeoh’s pal Everything Everywhere All at Once, Jamie Lee Curtis handing out missions – and somehow the group has found Georgiou and knows that a bad guy is coming to do an illegal arms trade in her club.
So, a ragtag group of zany Guardian-like characters are sent to intercept and prevent this dangerous development. In addition to the cool leader (Omari Hardwick), there’s a pleasant shapeshifter (Sam Richardson, who does his best with this material, and comes out of Section 31 well), an “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” brute mecha type (Robert Kazinsky), a sexy Deltan (Humberly Gonzalez) and a wacky Vulcan (Sven Ruygrok) who is actually not a Vulcan, but rather a microscopic organism in a tiny spaceship inside a Vulcan-shaped Golem body. (Think Men in Black.) When his little ship moves, it looks and sounds like the Jetsons’ flying cars, which is unintentionally hilarious.
Among this feuding crew is a Starfleet observer, a young woman named Rachel Garrett (Kacey Rohl), who die-hard fans know will become a pre-Picard Enterprise captain. Garrett’s presence, combined with that of a character from Georgiou’s past, throws the When of Section 31 in total confusion – as if Sweeny had thrown the nerds a bone by giving us people we somewhat recognized, but made no attempt to actually adapt in a consistent time frame. However, the angst over this is the least of the worries, as the rest of this film is dreadfully boring.
With Georgiou (who, mind you, has brutally murdered thousands of people, including her parents and little brother) becoming part of the fun new Section 31 gang, we experience a few twists and turns, like a phase shield fight with the arms dealer who was made a lot cooler in Dune (both versions) and a train chase straight out of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but now made to look like CGI slop. There’s also the discovery that someone in the group is a mole – but these are characters we’ve all just met, so there’s absolutely no stakes here. Someone whose name you barely know isn’t who they seem? Who cares?
Even with the golden opportunity to play interplanetary outlaws, none of the actors (except Richardson) are anything but boring. The blame can spread, however. There is not only unoriginal writing, but completely uninspired direction. When the whole team shows up for Georgiou once she’s officially recruited, everyone stands still and barks a story at her with an almost defiant lack of pizzazz. These mournful deliveries are interspersed with editing that attempts to add spice, but ends up disturbing and seems forced. Yeoh chows down on every moment, which is something that really worked on Discovery when she was a supporting character playing Sonequa Martin-Green or Anthony Rapp. But when she sits in the center, her dry, haughty tone quickly becomes irritating. Aside from the great athleticism of its fight scenes, there’s not much likeable here.
There’s a lot more fighting, a lot more chasing, and several instances in which the writing seems dictated by TikTok from three years ago. “You are a chaos goblin!” future captain Garrett is told. “I love it for us,” she responds to a later prompt. More importantly, there is none challenging elements that make Star Trek so special. It’s nothing surprising, it’s just a desire to expand the intellectual property in a way that worked well with the Paramount suits. I guess if I had to look for a thesis on Section 31, it’s that being a bloodthirsty tyrant ultimately leads to brief moments of introspection. So it is noted.
The weirdest thing is that this little cul-du-sac in Star Trek universe – which I predict almost no one will remember in a year – will exist when Lower Decks has just ended and Strange New Worlds is gearing up for its next season. These are two shows that understand, on a molecular level, the joy and uniqueness of Star Trek. The franchise is still alive.
As such, it is best to simply dismiss Article 31 as an aberration and move on. If I’ve learned anything from Starfleet, it’s to stay positive. I’m simply sending a warning buoy to all other ships to avoid this area of space and get out of here.
