Returning from war, the trauma of veterans still affects families

A mother of four fought for her family after her husband, who served on combat missions in Iraq and Afghanistan, returned home with a traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Marine veteran Chuck Rotenberry’s war trauma took a toll on his family. The couple’s eldest, Kristopher, tried to help his father and protect his sisters. As his responsibilities increased, so did the stress, and he said he attempted suicide when he was 12. His mother, Liz, found care for her son, sending Kris to intensive therapy and then enrolling him and his sisters in a clinic for military children dealing with PTSD.

“It’s difficult for a military family to take on this. When we are built with so much pride and strength, and we are seen as resilient, as they say in our community,” said the mother. “But it’s okay to not be resilient, and it’s okay, it’s okay to ask for help.”

PTSD and its impact on family members

Two million Americans served in Afghanistan and Iraq after the 9/11 wars. At least 600,000 people have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. Overall, the United States is doing a better job of recognizing and treating these wounded warriors, but less is known about the children who live with these veterans. Many children have become caregivers, facing depression and fear in their homes.

Chuck Rotenberry returned home from war after helping save the life of a fellow Marine who stepped on an IED that exploded just yards from Rotenberry. His wife was pregnant with their fourth child when he returned from his seven-month deployment, suffering from both a concussion-induced brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder.

“Chuck had a hard time staying at home,” said Liz Rotenberry, his wife. “Because he was dealing with so many emotions, mentally and physically. He was hiding, you know, in the back rooms.”

Chuck Rotenberry kept a video diary as he dealt with self-isolation, anxiety, depression, and denial.

When he returned from Afghanistan, his son Kristopher, who was 7 years old at the time, came to his father’s aid. Over the years, Kristopher tried to protect his father from triggers and protect his sisters from emotional trauma, but it began to take its toll on him.

“I was just worried about a lot of different things — things that kids, I guess, at that age shouldn’t worry about,” Kristopher said.

Kristopher, now 19, says it turned into a feeling of helplessness.

“He was almost becoming like my husband,” Liz said. “There were times when he couldn’t go to school because he was so stressed internally about everything that was going on, and I don’t think he knew how to deal with that and understand it.”

The worst happened when he was 12 years old. At the time, Kristopher said he thought his family would be better off without him and attempted suicide.

“I remember that time, and it was chaos all the time,” he said.

Military caregivers get more help

Elizabeth Dole, a former senator and Secretary of Transportation, became acquainted with the families of military personnel and injured veterans when she spent 10 months at Walter Reed caring for her husband, the late Senator Bob Dole.

“And I met all these young spouses, mothers, fathers who were taking care of their wounded warriors,” she said. “I don’t think America is aware of what’s going on, most Americans have no idea what’s going on in these military families. Less than 1% serve in the military today. Less than 1% protect our freedom and security, and it’s so important for us to raise awareness of and support their challenges and needs.”

She created the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, which commissioned studies on military caregivers. Studies have found that more than a million people treated wounded soldiers after 9/11. Nearly half say they are “overwhelmed”.

In 2018, she saw President Donald Trump sign legislation expanding a VA benefits program for caregivers of people with severe disabilities. The program provides some caregivers with a stipend, access to health insurance and counseling.

Elizabeth Dole Foundation CEO Steve Schwab said one of the first things it was doing was offering emergency financial assistance to those who needed it. They also provide additional resources and connect military caregivers to other trusted programs and services to help these families.

The Rotenberry family today

More than anything, families of injured veterans told 60 Minutes they want the nation to simply see and know their stories. In a sense, they continue to fight America’s post-9/11 wars.

Liz Rotenberry now leads an Elizabeth Dole Foundation initiative to train caregivers to become public defenders, while her son Kristopher Rotenberry has recovered and applied to follow his father into the military.

Chuck Rotenberry, who said he knew he wouldn’t be here without the support of his family, is recovering and working as a dog trainer for the Secret Service. He told his son he was proud of the person he has become today.

“There are a lot of proud moments for me,” he told his son. “But I’m proud of you every day, all the time. You owe me nothing but to be happy.”