Readers respond with helpful tips

Dear Amy: “Looking for Grief Etiquette” wrote to you about her grief after having a miscarriage.

As a retired obstetrician, I have gained considerable experience in this field. One point I discussed with patients in early pregnancy was the fact that pregnancy loss is much more common than most people realize.

I suggested they think carefully about who they tell until after the first trimester, when pregnancy loss is much less common, thus avoiding the problem of breaking the bad news to a lot of people.

I also found the advice given to me 15 years ago when my wife died very helpful.

The idea was that people who asked, “What can I do?” of a grieving person are really asking because they don’t know how to be helpful.

My response, at this difficult moment, was: “Invite me to dinner.”

I think it was a win-win.

It helped me, and I think they were happy to do something that I enjoyed. This woman who had a miscarriage had her answer: “Send me flowers. She shouldn’t have hesitated to ask her friends that.

—Neil Kochenour, MD

Dear Dr. Kochenour: Thank you for your helpful wisdom. About miscarriage — I agree that it’s better to wait to announce a pregnancy, but even when couples haven’t announced their pregnancy, they often still choose to disclose a miscarriage to their circle of friends and family.

Dear Amy: “Scammed” wrote about the increasingly popular scam of being contacted by a reputable reputable company asking you to purchase gift cards.


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