Dear Eric: I have a 1 year old little child and I am frustrated not to have the freedom to give them everything I choose.
Parents have prepared a list of acceptable items with precision wishes and expect me to give only exact elements of the list. I do not go away from the brand, functionality and even the color of the element.
I was reprimanded twice by my son for having given a variation of something on the list and criticized for not having recognized that they know what is best for their child. They say that I shouldn’t take it personally.
I think the joy of shopping and presenting gifts to my grandchild was completely usurped. During a recent opportunity, they appreciated the most a book that was not on the list, which they received from a family member.
How to solve this problem?
– Grandma without joy
Dear grandparents: Follow the list. They asked twice (actually three times, since the original list was a request).
Of course, they are neurotic and control this. It seems that they have a condition called being new parents.
Your little child is only 1 and does not know who gave the gifts. It is likely that your grandchild is not completely certain of gifts.
But whenever you press it, you run the risk of communicating with your son and daughter-in-law that you do not approve of the way they are parent. And it can make a lasting impression.
See if you can find the joy of buying the gifts they just want because they want them and you help them be the kind of parents they want to be.
Many years ago to deviate from the list and shop for the content of your heart. In addition, when your grandson is older, he will actually be able to understand that your gifts are you. So if you see something that you absolutely have to get, plan to grasp it and hide it in a closet for later.
It may indicate a more important problem. Do you find yourself heading on other subjects or is it just gifts? It is worth thinking and, on a later date, to speak with your son and your daughter-in-law. But, for the moment, give them the gift of honoring their wishes.
Dear Eric: My friend recently gave rise to a man whom she has only known for nine months.
I am sure that she would have married it after much less because it corresponds to what an ideal life or “fairy tale” looks like. She is really a person “look at me” on social networks, and having a partner after being single for so long is a real moment for her.
This man only dragged with his parents and children, not really his close friends. The only time he spent time with his friends, he did not engage with us / them at all, and there has always been an excuse to interrupt the visit.
Some of her friends – including me – think she jumps in a relationship / marriage to him too quickly because it is a model behavior for her, but she swears that she is in love and her future is with this guy.
It is really difficult to be happy for the commitment of a friend when I find it difficult to choose it in a program.
This has caused a little tension in our friendship, which had been a little distant in the past two years, so to speak, and I feel a little lost. I do not have the impression that it would be open to a conversation on my concerns, and I do not honestly care for having said the conversation.
At this point, I simply prefer to let friendship sparkle. However, it is a little difficult insofar as I am in a group of friends (and a group text) where the others do not want to shake the boat, so claim that our friendship is where it has always been.
What are my options here?
– Friends against Fiancé
Dear friends: It seems that this commitment is the last straw for you in a friendship that no longer works on each side. This sometimes happens – two people separate, and a quality which was once easy to ignore becomes a inflection point.
According to your letter, it seems that the emphasis on the appearances of your friend is the quality which is a problem. It also seems that you know the root of the problem – perhaps insecurity or solitude.
Try to refer your reflection by remembering that we do not always have to agree with the choices of our friends and that the trips on which they are different are different from ours. This could make the group’s friendship and the text chain more bearable.
But, if you cannot endure your other friends by claiming that everything is fine, it may be time to detach yourself with the love of the group.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @ouric and register for his weekly newsletter in Rercthomas.com.
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