Our son was 4 years old when we had twins; Avoiding jealousy is a priority

We have a house full of boys – three of them, to be correct.

Before the twins arrived, our elder had benefited from four years of individual attention as pampered. It was the center of my world, my little shadow.

When the twins arrived, it was really excited to meet his new brothers and sisters. He even joked: “It’s great that we have two babies. One can Bowl and the other can move while I beat!”

Behind the smile, however, I felt a silent concern in his eyes, and one of our greatest concerns has become the way he would adapt to sharing us with two newborns. The change in the family dynamics would undoubtedly be a challenge, and we knew that we should be attentive, not only for babies, but, just as important for his emotions.

Over the past 10 years, we have learned a few things and made conscious and thoughtful choices – choices that have helped prevent the jealousy of the brothers and sisters, ensure that our three children also feel valued and that they are deeply binding with each other.

The approach was not a unique solution but a series of intentional small choices that made all the difference. Here’s how we sailed in the transition.

We count the little moments

With two newborns requiring constant care, we knew how important it was to cut ourselves with our older children every day. Whether reading his favorite book, playing a quick game or simply discussing your day, these little moments helped reassure him that he was always our “little”.

I also made a duty to be available on his return from school, just sitting with him while he has lunch and talk about his day. These little routines reminded him that his special place in my life had not changed and that I would never do it.

We asked him to help take care of the twins

We also made sure to involve our elder to take care of the twins. From the start, I encouraged him to help with simple and age -adapted tasks like choosing clothes for them or recovering diapers. This made him not only important, but also allowed him to develop a link with his new brothers and sisters. He was proud of his role as a big brother, which helped him to feel included and appreciated.

We made sure to validate his feelings

One of the important parts of the transition was to reassure our elder that our love had not been divided, but multiplied. Does that seem cliché? Maybe. But believe me, small – apparently cliché – actions have made a big difference. Even when the twins needed attention, we made sure to check with him and express our appreciation for his patience.

However, there were times when he felt frustrated or excluded, and his emotional needs were sometimes involuntarily neglected. I remember that he said, “They cry too much … Maybe we should just return them to the doctor.” I reassured it that babies sometimes cry because they are small and always learn to behave. I also reminded him of the joys of having brothers and sisters, as the way they smile at him when they see him, and we talked about the pleasure they would have played together and the special link they would share.

We knew we were playing long game

Our ultimate goal was to feed a bond of brothers and sisters. As the twins grew, we highlighted equity and respect in our household. The elder had responsibilities, but we also gave him the authority which has just been the oldest. We taught him to love and be kind to his young brothers, and we made sure that the twins learned to respect and love their older brother. When disputes have arisen, we listened to all the parties and made decisions without discrimination based on age.

Over time, the twins naturally formed a strong link with each other, but fortunately, they also developed an equally strong link with their older brother. Now they speak, share things, play together, have their own secrets and even manage their little disputes by themselves. Looking at this was such joy, and it fills me with pride to see the special connection they created.

It’s a current trip

The arrival of the twins undoubtedly changed our family dynamic, but it also brought an immense joy. Watching my children grow up and bond, both as an individual and as a brothers and sisters, was an incredible experience.

The prevention of jealousy of the brothers and sisters is a journey in progress, but by making intentional small choices and by promoting equity, I can see that they are now sharing a deep and favorable link with each other. They are not only brothers and sisters, but also friends, and I am convinced that this connection will only strengthen.