One partner has retired, the other is still working. How to navigate in modifications – Orange County Register

Q. I have 10 years younger than my husband. Fortunately, he retired from a successful and stressive executive position several years ago. I love my long -term career in education and work part -time. My husband would like me to travel with him without having deadlines or commitments, which means that I should leave my job. I love my husband but I can’t decide what to do. In addition, we find it difficult to discuss the subject. Money is not a problem. Advice? Jl

Your dilemma is part of a success. And this successful story is largely the story of a woman. Although we know that “glass ceilings” still exist, women work, excellent and accomplish as well as to earn money. They can also have their own vision of retirement.

Let’s talk about Some considerations It could be useful.

You are not alone. Almost half of the married couples in 2023 had a double career, as reported by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And Just under half of the couples (43%) do not agree on How old should be retiredAccording to Fidelity Investments.

“The days when a husband retires with a business pension and his wife conscientiously follows him on the golf course in Florida is officially finished,” wrote Kathleen Hughes in a Wall Street Journal article on April 9, 2012 on retirement.

Obviously, timing is important. For couples, retiring at the same time is the most satisfactory for everyone, According to the Urban Institute. And most do it. And there is a gender difference. Studies have revealed that men who retire in front of their women tend to be less satisfied than those who retire together. Of course, there are many exceptions. In addition, tIt is more important to the age difference, the more each partner will be likely to retire at different times.

There are reasons that age can be a determining factor. Women often enter the labor market later than men and reach the top of their careers later than their comrades. In many cases, women want to make their mark while men are ready to leave their brand.

The therapists highlight the importance of communication and compromise. “Each The person must clarify their own vision of what is important and learn to talk to each other, “explains retirement coach Dorian Mintzer, co-author of” The Couple’s Puzzle withdrawal: 10 Unconvene conversations to create a new incredible life “(Taylor, Mintz, 2014), as quoted by Hughes in the Wall Street.

Having a conversation is the key. Here are some tips that could be useful.

• Create the appropriate environment: to avoid distractions, the TV, iPads and mobile phones must be extinguished and the distractions are stored.
• Listen actively. It means you really hear what the other says. You can’t listen and talk at the same time.
• Commercial roles. The speaker must become the listener and the listener needs to become the speaker. If one or the other assumes only one role, we have a monologue rather than a dialogue.
• Show the appreciation: Express your appreciation for what your companion does or has done. The workplace has a political manual to show its appreciation. You take a “lunch secretary”, give a factory or organize a party at the office. There is no manual who tells us how to express his appreciation in our personal life. A simple “thank you” works.

Here are some other suggestions to consider.

If you decide to leave your part -time position as a educator and this role means a lot for you, think about what you could do as a volunteer in the field that requires a flexible rather than rigid schedule. Align this position before leaving your job. Find a way to stay involved in your field so as not to feel like you are abandoning your career

If you decide to keep your job part -time, ask your employer or supervisor if you can negotiate the schedule. If it is not possible and you decide to continue in the same position, explore a certain flexibility with your companion in the planning of your next trip.

To avoid resentment, the decision you make is not only with your mind but also with your heart.

JL, thank you for your good question. Good trips and enjoy it. And of course, always be nice.

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on aging issues and new retirement with academic, business and non -profit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments to Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen in Helenmdennis.com and follow it on Facebook.com/successfulingcommunity