One of the guests brought everyone out of my party

Dear Miss Manners: My husband obtained a new job, and to get to know his new colleagues, we decided to organize a holiday party with us.

We invited the people with whom he most closely works, his immediate boss and the spouses of everyone. It was about 10 people in all.

I’m not used to being a hostess, but I put a lot of effort, time and money in food and decorations. We had turkey, ham and many sides and desserts. The propagation was impressive and beautiful.

When the guests arrived, it turned out that they had all climbed with the boss and his wife in their large van instead of driving their own cars. About 15 minutes after their arrival, and before almost no food was served, the boss’s wife received a phone call and said that she and her husband had to help a friend to move furniture – right now!

She then gathered all my guests, load them in their van and hunting, leaving no one for the party.

A fortune in the food has been left on my table. I remember standing there, looking at it and crying. I was so humiliated and angry. Honestly, I never want to welcome a gathering of any kind again.

My question: was there a way to prevent this woman beating from stealing all my guests?

Mild player: Hosts: did the boss and his wife table the guests before the emergency furniture moved? Were they left in the street? Forced to help?

Back to yours: you might have been able to tell the other guests that you and your husband would help you organize transport for them-either bring them home yourself, or facilitate shaving or taxis.

More importantly, Miss Manners hopes that over time, you will realize that this rudeness was extreme and rare, and that you will try to entertain yourself again. You seem to be good in this area.

She also hopes that the new job of your husband is not as heavy of chaos – or that her boss is sufficiently contrite that he gets something terrible.

Dear Miss Manners: If my neighbor has a garage sale, should I feel obliged to buy something, even if I have no use of it?

Conversely, if I have a garage sale and a neighbor wants to buy something, should I tell them to take it, at no cost?

Mild player: Unless your residential area has an unusual outdoor draw, most of your customers will be neighbors. If you give them things, it will be a court gift, not a sale.

Conversely, Miss Manners assures you that you do not have to buy them anything. But make your neighbors the favor of not wasting their time by asking for the origin and the story of each element, thinking that it is polite. It would just be taunting them.

Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to take old vegetables from the refrigerator, then come behind someone and place the vegetables under the nose and ask if they should be thrown?

Mild player: Rough and potentially dangerous – not only for the nose, but for the nervous system when they scare you from behind.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.