Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond by writing his own obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, pictured, a retired firefighter from Milford, Connecticut.
A scathing obituary written by a son who was disowned a decade earlier by his late firefighter father was quickly removed from the Internet.
Writer Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond to an obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, a retired firefighter from Milford, Connecticut.
The tribute described Becker, who was a Jehovah’s Witness, as a lover of his faith. Becker loved camping, road trips to Florida to watch Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune, he said.
But there was one line in particular that McLaughlin took issue with: “The quality for which many will remember him most is his love for people,” the family obituary says.
McLaughlin, who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness but later left the faith, explained how he was excluded and rejected by family for ten years after leaving the religion.
He described feeling deeply hurt by having been “excluded” and separated from his father since October 1, 2013 – so he decided to set the record straight.
Timothy McLaughlin, 42, left, is pictured alongside his husband, Joseph McLaughlin
McLaughlin’s version of his father’s obituary read in part: “The previous obituary written by the family was very misleading. It was accurate to say that the part of James’ life that he valued most was his religion as a Jehovah’s Witness, but he did not mention to what extent…this included the denial and avoidance of his adult son, Timothy , when he chose to leave the country. religion in October 2013.’
McLaughlin’s obituary attracted attention on social media as he sought to rectify what he saw as glaring omissions and misrepresentations in the family’s initial tribute.
He pointed out that the family’s obituary failed to recognize the extent of his father’s denial and rejection after he left the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith, which he described as “sectarian.”
McLaughlin stated that “rejection” is required by religion when it is officially “excluded.”
But 24 hours later, the obituary had been removed from the website.
Legacy, the platform he attempted to post this obituary on, above, removed the obituary citing references to family conflicts and negative remarks about the deceased as reasons for removing the obituary.
Legacy, the platform on which he attempted to publish it, cited references to family conflicts and negative remarks about the deceased as reasons for removing the obituary.
The second obituary was also supposed to appear in a Connecticut newspaper on Sunday, but was later removed.
McLaughlin appears to be at peace with the decision as he said everyone he wants to see has already done so.
“Everyone I want to see has seen it. It served its purpose, to take control of the narrative,” McLaughlin told The Morning Call. “Writing this obituary was very cathartic.”
He explained how writing the obituary was a deeply cathartic experience for him.
McLaughlin felt the need to write his obituary to his father after he was effectively rejected by his family after leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses religion.
After offering condolences, the site that removed the post, Legacy, wrote: “We are unable to publish this obituary because it refers to a family dispute and includes negative references about the deceased.” McLaughlin received a full refund.
McLaughlin, openly gay and married for eight years to Joseph McLaughlin, was surprised to have been mentioned among his father’s surviving children in the family’s initial obituary.
However, he was hurt by the omission of her husband’s name and their relationship, but he included these details in his own version.
“The previous obituary also failed to mention my beloved husband of eight years, Joseph McLaughlin, whom they chose never to meet and refuse to acknowledge,” Timothy wrote.
“They didn’t attend our wedding, never met our son when we were in foster care, and never set foot in our house (even though our house is welcome to all!). ”
McLaughlin notes how he came out as gay to his parents at the age of 23. Although homosexuality was considered a sin in the faith, he was allowed to remain in the religion as long as he remained celibate, which he says is now an unnatural expectation.
He acknowledged that although his father had some positive traits such as his love of Yahtzee and other activities, he criticized the family’s obituary for not addressing the pain and dehumanization he experienced after the fallout because of his different beliefs.
“None of them even contacted me when my father passed away,” McLaughlin added. “I found out about it second-hand.”
Despite the challenges, McLaughlin said he felt compelled to speak out and shed light on his experiences for others who may be dealing with similar situations within the Jehovah’s Witness faith.
“I must say that despite all the pain they have caused me, my life is full of love and happiness and that this loss is truly theirs. Thank you to all our friends who offered their condolences last week , despite the complicated circumstances,” he wrote.
McLaughlin notes how he came out as gay to his parents on the 23rd.
Although homosexuality was considered a sin in the faith, he was allowed to remain in the religion as long as he remained celibate, which he said is now an unnatural expectation.
“I’m not trying to vilify the individuals who make up the base,” McLaughlin clarified.
“The organization targets some of the kindest, most well-meaning people who may be at a vulnerable time in their lives or who are desperate for answers,” he said.
Jehovah’s Witnesses released a statement in response to McLaughlin’s claims.
“Jehovah’s Witnesses respect the free will and right of each individual to decide their religious beliefs. We believe that every individual has the right to change their belief system if they choose to do so. With this in mind, we do not impose our beliefs on anyone,” the statement read in part.
dailymail us
