DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have known each other for 25 years. We got married five years ago. At that time, I was traveling 500 miles back and forth twice a month to visit my children from my first marriage. I was and still am crazy about her.
However, two years ago my wife admitted to having a long-term romantic relationship with a married man with two children. She also admitted that she was waiting for him to leave his wife and he was waiting for her to leave me before moving in and possibly moving in together, and possibly getting married.
Shortly after this revelation, she became seriously ill. She requires 24-hour care and I have been by her side monitoring her health and taking her blood pressure. She collapsed once at the hospital, and if I hadn’t been in the room at the time, she would have died.
My wife refuses to give me details about this affair. There are signs that she may still be in contact with him, and I think his wife should know that. She becomes hysterical at this suggestion, which raises her blood pressure dangerously. I feel trapped. I’m afraid that if I leave her, she will have no one to care for her and may die. What do you recommend? — DEPTH OF CALIFORNIA DRAMA
DEAR DEEP: You’re no more trapped than you’d like to be. There can be no marriage without trust. If your wife was truly contrite about her affair, she would tell you everything.
Because you think she may still be in contact with her lover, and given the fact that she refuses to tell the truth, discuss it with a lawyer who can explain to you what your responsibilities would be if you were to divorce after five years. marriage. You should not be forced to be their caregiver in these circumstances.
DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old grandson, “Lucas,” and I are very close. His mother (my daughter) allowed me to have him whenever I wanted. I would even take it on vacation with me. When he entered first grade, his mother informed me that she was going to rehab, so he started living with me. Lucas is now in sixth grade and living with his mother again.
My daughter has two other boys and lives with their father. Lucas’ father is not in his life. I was always there for him. She’s not a bad mother, but Lucas doesn’t like living with her. My daughter is now considering moving 40 minutes away and transferring Lucas to a new school. I am very worried about him. I’m the reason he has a social life. He’s been in the Boy Scouts with the same boys for five years. What should I do? Let him go? — NEXT TO ME IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR NEXT TO ME: Unless you can convince your daughter to agree to Lucas staying with you so he can stay socially active with his peer group, I think you have no choice but to let him go. Sixth and seventh grades are a difficult time for a child wanting to enter a new school, as cliques have usually formed by this time. You are a caring grandparent and I wish you well. Start campaigning now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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