My last goodbye with my dying friend let me feel empty

Dear Eric: Mike was my friend for over 50 years. We have carpooling to work together for almost 15 years. Our link got closer when his 16 -year -old son died by suicide after a fight against depression.

Mike appeared so hard during this tragedy, but I know he suffered from intense grief, and I did my best to be there for him.

I retired first and Mike about two years later. Unfortunately, shortly after his retirement, Mike developed aggressive cancer which he valiantly fought for three or four months.

We saw ourselves and he remained optimistic during this period. However, when he received the unfortunate diagnosis that the treatments did not work, he withdrew and did not want to see me, even if we would have occasional telephone conversations when he felt up to par.

He said, “I don’t want you to see me like that. Remember me as I was.”

We spoke the day before his death. He thanked me for being his friend for a large part of his life and insisted that I did not cry when I smothered during the conversation. It was painful but I pushed him back for him; I broke down after having offered our latest farewells and I promised to come together again in the Grand Beyond. He wanted a family service reserved for the family.

Mike’s desires left a hole in my heart. I lost my friend and I never felt that I have done it enough in recent months or I said to him adequately his farewells.

Mike’s wife has never warmed herself for me or my wife, and we did nothing together as couples. I called her about nine months after Mike’s death and I had a pleasant conversation. However, she never stretched her hand and I did not try to contact her again, even if I wondered if I had to.

What do you think?

– Another friend in pain

Dear friend: I’m really sorry for the loss of your friend Mike. I know that the pain of his absence was difficult to sail, especially after 50 years of friendship.

I hope you can continue to obtain the closing of the knowledge you may have said goodbye, even if it was not the way you wanted it. Mike sailed a lot in recent months, and you have done something nice and loving while respecting his wishes for space.

Your desire to contact his wife again comes from a kind place. It might be useful to you to talk about Mike Ensemble, but without a long -standing relationship, it is difficult to say.

Instead of a call, if you feel obliged to contact again, try to send a letter and reach your number. This gives her the opportunity to respond if she thinks it will be useful, or to simply appreciate the gesture if it is not.

While you continue to sail in sorrow, I hope you talk about Mike and your feelings around his death with your loved ones and friends who knew him. Even if you have no connection with his wife, you can always keep his memory living with others.

Dear Eric: My 22 -year -old son met a 36 -year -old woman in Brazil on the Internet. He fell in love with her and plans to go there this summer for at least three months.

My husband and I are very worried. He does not speak the language, although he learns it. He has not traveled alone before, and there are advice to get to Brazil.

We also worry about the motivations of this woman. He sent him money. A friend warned that she may have sought to marry her as a way to come to the United States.

He is an adult, but we are very worried and we don’t want him to go. What advice do you have?

– Long distance

Dear distance: As a person who has lived one of the most transformational experiences of my life by traveling solo in Brazil, I am sad about the situation of your son, because he has some of the warning signs of a romantic scam and there are so much non -scams to be presented in the country.

According to the Federal Trade Commission, more than 64,000 romantic scams were reported in 2023, collecting $ 1.14 billion. The FBI has a specially dedicated special web page. Visit FBI.GOV or the internet crime complaints and see if one of the current tactics resonates with what you see in the case of your son.

There, you will also find advice on how to speak to your son of what he does and how to encourage him to think more critical of his actions. He is not alone in there.

Admittedly, long distance love can occur and occurs. But those who connect with others they have not met, in particular other people who ask for money, must exercise much more caution.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @ouric and register for his weekly newsletter in Rercthomas.com.