My Husband’s Mom Doesn’t Believe Our Story About How We Met

Dear Amy: I met my husband when I was a part-time sex worker and he was a client. We have been married for 30 years (I found a new career when we started dating).

We made up a story about meeting at a concert, but my mother-in-law doesn’t believe it.

Twice now, she’s asked me to tell her the “real way we met,” and for obvious reasons, I’ve stuck with our story.

She’s a wonderful mother and mother-in-law, and I know her feelings are hurt for not telling her how we met.

What can I tell her to make her feel good about never knowing the truth?

Holding

Dear Holding: You argue that your mother-in-law’s feelings are hurt because you won’t tell her how you met her son. But you did tell him.

I’d say your mother-in-law doing two surveys in 30 years doesn’t reflect a burning need to know or surprise you, unless the two times she asked about it happened in the last week.

If your mother-in-law seems exceptionally upset and you think it might be worth trying to talk about it, you can start with a few questions (always wait patiently for the response): “You seem very curious about this. We told you that we met at a concert. What do you hope to learn, other than what we told you? »

She may have heard a rumor and wants to confirm it.

But it’s your life and your story, and you should convey your own version of, “It’s our story, and we stick to it.”

Dear Amy: I am a single woman in my mid thirties. I have a doctorate. and currently own a successful business.

I recently reconnected with an old friend. Early on in the friendship, he revealed he had a highly contagious STD. For this reason, we have never crossed the line of “friendship”.

Recently, we’ve had more time to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company. We’ve already established that we love each other beyond friendship, but we haven’t discussed the possibility of a physical relationship.

I have questions, but I don’t know how to ask them.

Considering the fact that he has been single since his diagnosis, I’m not sure he will be able to answer my questions.

I don’t think I can be in a romantic relationship without sex.

Do you know if couples can be happy without sex?

Given the sensitivity of his diagnosis, how would I start the conversation about intimacy?

Right now our friendship is parked in the “friend zone” because I don’t know what to do from here.

We need courage to discuss it.

Your advice?

Friend zone

Dear zoned friend: You and your friend have already discussed his STD. He obviously felt comfortable enough to share this information with you earlier in your friendship.

The whole question has become more urgent now that you are looking for safe ways to get out of the friend zone.

Speaking honestly is the most intimate act adults can undertake. For this reason, the prospect of having an in-depth, in-depth and honest conversation can be frightening.

I think it’s possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without having sex, but that’s not what you want. It is essential that you recognize the importance of your own needs and desires and convey them honestly.

The way to have a difficult conversation is to engage in it and then do your best to communicate clearly.

I think it’s helpful to set aside some time and start by saying, “It’s hard for me to talk about this, so please bear with me.”

In addition to discussing the different relationship options, if you decide to go ahead, you and he should receive accurate medical information from a doctor.

I think you should also be prepared for the possibility that your friend would prefer to keep your friendship exactly where it is.

Dear Amy: Thank you for defending the children! The question of “J in NY” made me wince. He was an uncle who was offended when his 3-year-old nephew refused to hug him, and the parents didn’t force the child to do so.

When children are taught that they have the right to say Nope to unwanted touching, it protects them later.

I went there, I said no

Dear summer there: I received many responses to this question, all agreeing that children have the right to autonomy over their own bodies and that parents must protect this right.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.