DEAR ABBY: When I met my husband, I felt valued. But since I got pregnant, he no longer considers my feelings and treats me as a priority. I have to beg for his support, but when his mother and sister need help, he rushes to help them.
The reason I married him was because he seemed loyal and devoted to his family, and I thought he would be that way with us. However, during the last months of my pregnancy, I felt ignored. He’s not really excited about the baby and we haven’t bonded while I’ve been pregnant.
I feel like I’m the last item on his list. I gradually detach myself from him. Even if things change when the baby is here, I don’t think I will respect him or have those loving feelings anymore. I now see him in a different light that I find unappealing. Please help me. — AT A CROSSROADS IN MAINE
DEAR CARREFOUR: Before you go any further, recognize that you’ve headed toward a fork in the road. The path you should take is the one that leads to your OB-GYN’s office. Your doctor needs to know what’s going on in your head and in your marriage because you may be experiencing symptoms of prepartum depression. Don’t put this off until later. Your baby will need a father, and the further you are from your husband, the less likely he will have one.
DEAR ABBY: I have a limited income. My younger sister, “Tara,” is a healthcare professional with disposable income that she spends on frivolous things. I have a 13 year old son; she has three children aged 14, 10 and 3. Tara and I live a few miles from each other; our mother lives 60 miles away. My mother looks after my sister’s children every two weeks. She rarely watches my son. I must bring my son to him; she goes to Tara’s house to pick up her children and bring them home.
I “borrowed” a pretty decent amount of money from my mother. She regularly asks me to pay it back.
She spends a lot of extra money on food for Tara’s children because of their special dietary needs. Between that and all the back and forth, my mom spent almost twice as much to care for my sister than I borrowed in the same amount of time.
I think it’s very one-sided and that for some reason my mom cares more about Tara than me. I also feel like my son is being neglected by my mother. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I say something or just leave him alone? — DESALTED IN GEORGIA
DEAR SALTED: It seems like you are jealous of your sister for several reasons. Your mother has the right to spend her time and money on what she wants, just like your sister. I don’t know why your mother favors Tara’s children. Maybe it’s time to ask him why.
As for her request to repay the money she lent you, I suggest you develop a repayment plan starting from NOW in the hope that it will improve your relationship with her. But if that doesn’t happen, have someone else watch your son.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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