dear Amy: My mother died recently and I expect a relatively large inheritance from her.
My father died several years ago. My brother also died and is survived by two adult daughters.
My mother (who was a difficult person) told me that she intended to divide the inheritance between my brother and I in half while she was alive, but after she died, she then decided to pass the entire inheritance to me of his inheritance and to leave nothing to my brother’s daughters. (his only grandchildren).
My beloved brother has always believed in fairness, and for me, my mother’s favoritism is unacceptable. These granddaughters were good to her.
I would like to take half of my inheritance and gradually give it to my two nieces on an annual basis, so that donations stay below the legal limit where taxes would be due.
The problem is that my control freak and anxious husband of 40 years, who feels we need more money (most people would need more money), told me what he had. intention to make an inheritance.
He wants to keep and invest everything, and give a small amount to my sweet nieces.
He sees this as a financial matter related to our “need” and feels it is generous to give anything to my nieces. I view this as a marital problem and a matter of my desire to do right by my dear brother, who would be heartbroken to learn of the situation.
Your thoughts?
— Loving aunt
Dear aunt: Before making a decision, you should consult with a financial planner experienced in estate matters in your state. My understanding is that (depending on where you live) inheritance is special; Unlike other income, gains, or real estate, inheritance is not considered marital property unless you commingle it by depositing the inheritance money into a joint account.
So let’s assume it’s your money and you have the right to spend it however you want. If your husband inherits the money, he will have the right to use it as he wishes.
Your plan is to take half of that money (what you consider your brother’s half) and give some of it to his daughters each year. A financial advisor will also tell you if this is a good plan.
This leaves you with half of this “substantial inheritance” to use as you wish – or as your husband wishes, if you choose to share it with him.
Dear Amy: I’ve been dating “John” for three years now.
We have each been widowed for over a decade.
John wants me to live with him in his house, but he still has wedding portraits and many photos of him with his late wife on display around the house. He has no intention of putting them away.
I would be happy if he chose to confine these items to one room.
We’ve talked a lot about marriage, but his constant talk about his “wife” makes me feel like we should just live separately.
I have a deceased partner. I also refer to my late husband often, but when we are around many friends, I call him by his first name, not “my husband.”
I experienced the same things as John regarding the loss of a spouse. I just want to live the rest of my life happily and move forward.
Do you think I’m asking too much? I just need your opinion.
— Ready for a new start
Dear loan: If John wants you to move in with him, then the house will not only be his house, but your house, together.
This means he has to compromise on decorating.
Doing this is a physical expression of literally “making room” for you.
You approach this issue in a spirit of compromise; he is not.
John doesn’t seem ready to make room for you. Given how much time has passed since his wife died, I don’t think we should expect him to change.
dear Amy: I was disappointed with your response to “Agnostic,” whose friend had restored her Christian faith and invited Agnostic to her baptism.
The nice thing is to show up for your friends, no matter what.
– Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: Many readers agree with you.
“Agnostic” thought her friend was trying to pressure her into returning to the group. She did not want to attend this religious ritual. I suggested congratulating her, while being honest about why she wasn’t there.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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