DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we celebrated Easter with my family, my husband brought his tablet in the car and into our relative’s house. He uses it to play.
We had many arguments about excessive gaming. I asked him not to bring it to the parent’s home. His response was: “I am an adult; don’t tell me what to do. He went in with it.
Several times during the festivities he used it to play his game. I was embarrassed and dismayed.
I could go on and on. He also plays a lot for us.
GENTLE READER: You have a worse problem than violating etiquette by blatantly ignoring his hosts: he doesn’t respect your feelings. Miss Manners suggests tackling this horrible problem first.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Because of COVID, we didn’t have our usual Seder with family and friends. We were happy to relaunch the event and had a fairly large gathering.
During the Seder, a family member made an online call to the table with a missing relative who was invited but declined because they lived out of state. This call lasted 10 to 15 minutes, in the middle of the Seder.
I considered beating the caller with a stick, or at least dousing him with wine. My partner was also angry.
This guest is, at best, unpleasant to be around. This night, they overcame unpleasantness and selfishness. What should we have done?
GENTLE READER: Sprinkling that person with wine might stain your tablecloth and create a funny video that you might not want to pass around.
Miss Manners thinks you’d better ask to say hello to the absent parent, then add, “We’re sorry you can’t be here, but you’ll excuse us if we come out now, so we can continue the Seder.” »
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were invited to a dinner (for eight people) about a month in advance.
We happily agreed, but a few days before the party I started experiencing cold symptoms. On the day of the party, I had definitely caught a cold, with intermittent coughing and blowing my nose.
My wife insisted we still attend because we accepted the invitation (and it was “just a cold”), but I was torn between ruining our friends’ long-planned dinner with a cancellation at the eleventh hour or subject the other guests to my coughing.
She didn’t want to attend alone.
Where do you draw the line between annoying late cancellation and honoring a commitment when you feel bad?
GENTLE READER: Where germs are involved.
Disappointed Although your hosts may be disappointed by your absence, they would be even more upset later to discover that they had entertained these uninvited guests.
Miss Manners hopes that you are not present and that you have apologized to the hosts, mentioning that you would have liked to warn them sooner. And you didn’t point out that the cold wasn’t your fault.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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