DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who lived in the same city where I lived for many years. Several years ago I moved halfway across the continent and she now visits me once a year for seven to ten days.
To my surprise, instead of sleeping in the bed in the guest room, she opts for the thick Persian rug on the floor.
I didn’t realize it until I cleaned the guest room when he first left. The carpet smelled of body odor, so rather than wash the sheets (easy), I had to clean the carpet to rid the room of the residual odor.
She doesn’t tell me anything about her sleep preferences, but she has done so at every visit. I don’t know how to fix it, or even if I should. I don’t want to inconvenience her, but cleaning the carpet takes time and creates unnecessary wear and tear on the fibers.
(In case you’re wondering if I’m sure she sleeps there, she left her door ajar one night and I walked past.)
Any suggestions?
GENTLE READER: Assuming it’s a dear friend you care about, ask if there’s something wrong with the bed in the guest room, without being too specific about why. you ask.
This will give him the opportunity to admit that the springs are all out or that the mattress is so soft that once lying down, it is impossible to get out without calling the fire department.
Such an approach has the disadvantage of being an implicit promise to correct any deficiencies – and does not offer the simplicity of exchanging the carpet before one’s next visit.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son has been dating his girlfriend for about six months. In many ways, they are compatible and good for each other. I’m happy for him.
She is very outgoing and has a bubbly personality, but she has a habit of answering every question asked in the room, even if they are not directed at her.
She answers the question before the person being asked has a chance, and sometimes even interrupts the person asking the question to begin answering it.
She is 24 years old and just out of college. Can Miss Manners tell me how I can let him know that this is not acceptable behavior? I’ve tried subtle, gentle tricks without much success.
I want to avoid embarrassment and bad feelings for my son’s sake.
GENTLE READER: Correcting her manners is not up to you, even if she becomes your daughter-in-law one day. But Miss Manners will tell you how to solve the more limited problem of what to do when answering a question aimed at you.
Listen to her with measured, even limitless, patience as she gives her answer. And then give yours.
It’s unfortunate that this is slightly embarrassing for your son’s girlfriend, but if she, or your son, has the courage to point it out, you can innocently explain that the question was directed at you.
Eventually the new girlfriend will figure it out – just like, eventually, she won’t be 24 anymore.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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