My friends shine so brilliant that nobody sees me

Dear Harriette: I love my friends, but I can’t help but feel the least impressive in the group.

They are all beautiful, elegant and successful. They have excellent jobs and an exciting social life and always seem so confident.

When we go out together, I have the impression of fading in the background. The guys approach them first. People compliment them more and I cannot shake the feeling that I do not measure.

It is not that I am not satisfied with myself, but being with them sometimes makes me question my own value. I start choosing my looks, my career progress and even my personality.

I know that they do not intentionally feel that. They are favorable and kind, but I always find myself struggling with insecurity whenever we are together.

I hate having the impression of being in constant comparison mode, and I don’t want my doubt to ruin these friendships. How to stop feeling like the least impressive friend? How can I strengthen my confidence without distance people I like?

– less than

Expensive less than: Take a step back and assess your attributes. What is the particularity of you? Be honest.

Then look in the mirror and remember these qualities. You must first love yourself.

Consider extending your group of friends. You don’t have to throw your current group of friends, but open your eyes and notice other people with similar interests that are not part of this clique. See if you can be comfortable with other people without too much judgment. If so, keep spending time with them.

Dear Harriette: I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now, and we get along very well in most areas. However, I noticed that we have different approaches to money.

I focus on savings, investment and planning for the future, when he prefers to live in the moment and spend freely. He likes to buy random infopubalician items on the Internet or spontaneously buy new items such as expensive devices.

I told him that these are not intelligent financial decisions and he told me not to worry.

I fear that our financial differences can lead to conflicts on the road, especially with regard to the main life decisions such as the purchase of a house, travel or retirement planning.

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want money to become a constant source of stress. How to determine if this is something we can work?

– contradictory values

Dear contradictory values: Talk about your opinions on money in the context of your desires for the future.

Ask your boyfriend how he sees his life in five to 10 years. Does he want to buy a house? What type of work will he do? Does he want to travel? Anyway, ask him for his point of view. Then describe your dreams and interests and reflections on how to show them.

Bring your ideas on savings and investment in the future. Ask if he is ready to work with you to make a plan that includes the storage of money rather than spending it.

You can perhaps accept to create a joint account for savings or investment, to which you each deposit a fixed monthly amount. This can allow him to continue to have money to spend as he wants while contributing to the plans for the future.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of Dreamleapers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to the syndication Andrews McMeel, 1130, rue Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106.