- My fiancé was suddenly laid off, triggering a prolonged and unsuccessful job search.
- I have had to overwork myself to make ends meet, and this is causing a lot of stress in my life.
- Despite the difficulties, we try to reframe this situation and maintain hope.
Last October, my fiancé, Collin, went to a meeting with his boss for a conversation that he thought would be an update on client responsibilities. Instead, he was told he would be made redundant, effective immediately, due to restructuring.
By the end of the brief call, he had already been cut off from the company’s systems.
The call surprised us both and kicked off a nearly six-month job search that is still ongoing. Although he applies to over 60 positions each month for which he is fully qualified, we are still back at square one with only a few weeks of unemployment eligibility and no possible extensions.
The layoff had an emotional impact on both of us. As a freelance writer, I felt the need to take on as much work as possible to make up for some of our combined lost income. Even though I work evenings and weekends, I continue to say “yes” to any project that comes my way.
My reasoning is: how can I turn down work opportunities when the person I love is trying so hard to find just one?
But constantly working new clients on top of running my own business led to chronic insomnia, increased depression, and a never-ending sense of panic that grew over time, creating an unsustainable lifestyle.
The effects of “financial trauma”
I recently discovered a concept called “financial trauma,” which is a psychological response to a distressing experience that affects your personal finances, consequently impacting your relationships and health. The idea resonated with Collin and me and helped us better frame our situation.
Trauma related to financial experiences can be so overwhelming that it causes PTSD-like symptoms that can cause us to shy away from conversations about money altogether, said Shannah Game, a certified financial trauma specialist.
“In your body and mind, it creates fight-or-flight responses,” Game told me. “Your heart may start to race, or you may sweat or just have a feeling of panic around certain situations involving money. And a lot of times, people don’t know why they feel that way.”
Collin, who was facing debt before his dismissal, was unemployed six times during his career due to factors beyond his control. He saw several positions eliminated and was laid off in 2020 due to the pandemic.
Despite two master’s degrees and more than 15 years of experience, it took him 61 weeks to find his next full-time opportunity, only to be laid off again two years later.
I can say that these traumatic experiences have taken a toll on him, and it makes me feel helpless as his fiancé.
“It impacts my self-confidence and how I see myself compared to my peers,” Collin told me. “I guess they have savings accounts and a mortgage. And here I am, in my 40s, with no savings or retirement funds, having to negotiate hardship payment plans on everything I can.”
“It makes me think, ‘What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t this happen to other people?'” he added. “I don’t think I would think this way if I didn’t have money problems.”
In our relationship, we question every small purchase we make, whether it’s whether we can get coffee at Starbucks or whether we should buy a box of cereal that isn’t on sale. It also makes planning our wedding almost impossible because we can’t pay the deposit needed to set a date.
For Collin, the firing also created a trauma-like reaction in meetings with company executives. After two sudden layoffs, he struggles to know if his meetings will actually be about work-related topics.
Finding a long-term perspective in the face of short-term difficulties
According to Game, the “prescription” for financial trauma is to reframe our thoughts, feelings, and actions into something that feels empowering instead of conquering.
For Collin and me, this means reminding ourselves that the situation is not permanent. Every time we have faced layoffs, work has always been found, and we truly believe this time will be no different. It’s just a waiting period that requires patience.
Our financial challenges have also helped us keep life and gratitude in perspective. Even though money is tight, we enjoy excellent health, loving relationships, supportive families, and big dreams.
In the words of my future mother-in-law: “If money is your only problem, then you’re doing pretty well.” »
Kelsey Herbers is a freelance marketing writer and journalist based in Charleston, South Carolina. Connect on LinkedIn.
businessinsider
