Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Do you have a question about care and feeding? Submit it here.
Dear care and feeding,
My wife is causing a family rift over something that I think is out of proportion. My brother “Caleb” took our two boys, ages 6 and 9, to spend the day last Saturday while we attended a friend’s engagement party.
Caleb ended up taking the kids to a haunted house, and our youngest son got a little scared and has since been afraid to sleep alone in his room. My wife is furious with Caleb and says she will never let him take care of the kids again. I think this is going way too far and our youngest son will get over it. Any suggestions to make him see reason?
—Hissy Fit Haunted House
Dear Hissy Fit Haunted House,
I understand both of your points of view here. Your wife is probably frustrated that she now has to deal with your youngest son’s fears about something he didn’t need to be exposed to in the first place. And you, knowing your brother, understand that he was just in fun uncle mode: taking his nephews to do something he thought would be entertaining – maybe even something he loved as a kid.
The key here, and what was missing, is communication. If your wife knew in advance that Caleb was taking your sons to a haunted house, and then your youngest son came back completely scared, that would be another story. This would be something that you were both aware of as parents and had the ability to veto beforehand. Caleb didn’t give either of you that option. So acknowledge his feelings, apologize, and remind him how important it is for your sons to have good relationships with other adults in their family, like your brother. Agree that moving forward, you will make sure you are both aware of any new experiences. Good luck!
— Arionne
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