DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months. We have a good relationship in terms of compatibility. We are Christians, educated and have good professions. We like to have fun and both love investing and traveling. He enjoys my company and says I’m the girl with the best qualities he’s ever dated.
But I have a problem: he remains in close contact with his former on-and-off girlfriend of 10 years and other women he has dated. When I asked him about it, he said he cared about other people and liked to stay in touch with them.
An example: Last year, while he was single, he wanted to take his longtime ex-girlfriend on a day trip, dinner, and a musical so she could get away from his apartment. Her daughter and grandchildren, who lived with her, made her life very difficult. My boyfriend and this ex also text each other often to keep up with each other’s families and lives.
I feel uncomfortable about this. Wouldn’t most women do it? To me, if you think a relationship isn’t working, you should stop seeing each other so as not to cause more confusion or stir up more emotions. How should I handle this? I really like this guy and I really think we have something going on. — SHARE IT IN TEXAS
DEAR TO SHARE: When people end a long-term relationship, they don’t all do it the same way. Some of them have a dramatic outburst and never speak to the person again. Others remain friends for many years.
If your boyfriend’s former flame has an adult daughter and grandchildren, neither of you are inexperienced children yourselves. If you really want a future with him, you may have to accept that he won’t be happy if you try to reduce his social contact. If you can’t have the confidence to do this, maybe you should find someone else.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 68 year old married man with no close friends. I worked in my family bar and restaurant for 35 years, until they lost it. I then worked as an assistant manager in a few fast food restaurants, then as an assistant manager in a large pharmacy.
At age 65, after three knee surgeries and a foot fusion, I retired from full-time work. I now work part-time at a physical therapy center, mainly to keep myself busy and earn a few dollars. I don’t have any major hobbies or interests. I have some health problems, which are under control.
I feel alone most of the time. I know a lot of people and get along well with people – I feel lonely. I have two sons who I am very proud of and who have families of their own, but they are busy with their lives.
I don’t have anyone to talk to who won’t judge me for how I feel. Can you give me a direction to turn? — A LITTLE ALONE IN THE EAST
DEAR LONELY: You say you are married. Is it a happy marriage? You also have a part-time job. These are things to be grateful for. Your ongoing loneliness may be something to mention to your doctors. The problem may be emotional, spiritual, existential or physical, or simply boredom. But the place to start would be a doctor or spiritual advisor to help you get to the bottom of things.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
