Late-Night Hosts Respond to Trump’s Threats to Take Greenland, Canada

Late-night hosts had a few thoughts after Donald Trump held a lengthy press conference at Mar-a-Lago announcing his plans to merge Canada with the U.S. and take control of Greenland.

“We have almost two weeks of Joe Biden, but Trump is already reminding us of what a terrible mistake we made,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Jimmy Kimmel Live before describing the incoming president’s “doozy of a press conference.” The host played a clip of Trump announcing he plans to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.

“What a beautiful name you spent two seconds thinking of,” Kimmel responded. “He still has no healthcare plan. Stayed up almost all night drinking diet Cokes to come up with the Gulf of America.” He added, “This press conference showed that the real Gulf of America is the one between those who think Trump belongs in the White House and those who think he belongs in a home.”

The host explained that “for whatever reason Trump loves terrorizing our allies.” “Putin, he’s like ‘good guy,’” Kimmel said. “Canada, he’s like Darth Vader: ‘Come to the dark side or else.’” As for Greenland, which Trump wants to buy or maybejust take, Kimmel replied, “Who even thinks about buying Greenland? Who has thoughts like that? Maybe he wants to buy Greenland so he can put Don Jr. in charge and leave him there forever.”

On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon reflected on Trump’s desire to merge Canada with the U.S. “Right now everyone who moved to Canada after Trump won was like, ‘Well I guess it’s off to the North Pole,’” Fallon quipped, adding, “If you think America’s divided now imagine if half the country spelled ‘color’ with a ‘u.’”

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert also had some thoughts on Trump’s plan to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico. “Yeah,” Colbert said after playing a clip from the press conference, “it’s gonna be a long four years. So now, if I understand this correctly, the Gulf of Mexico will become the Gulf of America. New Mexico will be Dry America and Cinco de Mayo will be the Fifth of Mayo.”

On The Daily Show, Desi Lydic acknowledged that Trump’s press conference featured “one of those common sense kitchen-table policies that Americans have been waiting for.” She noted, “We have been so concerned about all the scary things Trump’s going to do, we forgot he’s also going to do some really stupid things.”

Lydic added that she opposes Trump’s plan to merge Canada with the U.S. “Canada can’t become part of America,” she said. “That’s the country I pretend to be from when I’m traveling abroad.”

With Greenland, though, Lydic sees the importance of taking it over. “It’s the only way to stop Santa Claus from waltzing on down from the North Pole to fuck our wives,” she joked.