DEAR ABBY: I’m a middle-aged gay man who has never been in a serious relationship. A few months ago I met a 22 year old guy. He seemed really nice and nice, and we had a good time when we were together, so I let him use me for money. He played on the feelings I thought I had for him, and I think he still does.
The other night I caught him lying to me again and I fell in at the deep end. He ended up blocking my number, so I know he’s not receiving my texts. I have called him at least 100 times and it goes straight to voicemail. Should I just consider this a “lesson learned” and try to move on?
I doubt I’ll ever forget it. I know I have to move on with my life. He’s in my head right now and it’s hard. If that were to happen, I wouldn’t be able to go back to him the way we were. Even though it may sound stupid and immature, I think I fell in love with him. I am not sure. He hurt me a lot because I let him use me. Thanks for any advice you can offer. — DECEIVED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR DECEIVED: I’m sorry you’re suffering but, yes, you should consider this a lesson learned. You have stated that you have never been in a serious relationship. If you’re interested in pursuing one, meeting someone closer to your age with whom you have more in common would be beneficial. Check in to your nearest LGBTQ community center and sign up for an activity or event and you may meet someone. I wish you good luck.
DEAR ABBY: I take care of my elderly diabetic mother and my disabled, alcoholic and epileptic husband. All household responsibilities fall to me: cleaning, maintenance, shopping, driving, meal preparation, etc. My mother refuses to eat well because of her health. It’s a daily battle. I keep everything on hand to make it easier for him, but I still have to beg and plead.
I do not feel good. I have several autoimmune diseases that are destroying my strength. I love my mother and my husband, but this has taken away all the joy in my life. My mother doesn’t have dementia – she’s very aware of what she’s doing.
As for my husband, his love for me will never come close to his love for alcohol. He’s never violent, but I’ve never felt so overwhelmed and alone at the same time. There are no siblings to help and my children live out of state. Do you have any suggestions on how to keep what’s left of my sanity? — OVERWORK IN VIRGINIA
DEAR OVERWORK: Yes, I like it, but you might not like what I have to say. It’s time to stop trying to “save” your mother and husband from the fate they chose. Your mother is an adult and in possession of her faculties. Let her take responsibility for herself and her treatment. (Or not – also his choice.)
As for your husband’s alcoholism, join Al-Anon and start attending meetings. Only he can solve his drinking problem if he wants it. Ruining your health by trying to help people who don’t want to be helped may be a good intention, but it’s also a mistake.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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