Dear Kit of Life is the column of NPR advice, where experts answer delicate questions about relationships, social label, work culture and more.
Send us your anonymous questions. For our next episode, we are looking for your questions about doubt and decision -making in relationships.
These questions were answered by Haley Nahman of the Maybe baby Newsletter and Podcast, And Danny Nelson, co-host of Maybe the baby is dear Danny Series of advice. The conversation has been modified for duration and clarity.
Dear Kit Life, I am a widower of 60 years and I recently met a 52 -year -old widow.
We get along very well. She is intelligent like hell and as sarcastic as me. We said to ourselves that we love each other and expressed affection in a non -physical way.
The problem is that she is widow of his wife. I am also a widow of my wife, who was with women before meeting me. I am very open to people’s sexuality, and we have briefly discussed sexuality, but I don’t know how fluid it can be at all.
I wouldn’t want anything better than kissing her. I felt that at least a few moments would have been perfect for that, but I hesitated. I don’t want to hunt it. Advice on how to proceed? – More than friends
Nahman: This is so soft. We have lost a lot of romance in the young generations.
My first impression is that I don’t think a kiss is where to start here. I think he could say: “I like to be friends with you, but would you never be at an appointment with me, or isn’t it your thing?” It could be as simple as possible as it.
Nelson: Certainly. If he wants to continue this and that he cherishes the friendship so much that he does not want to lose it, the first line of conduct is to reconcile in his own heart to be completely ok remaining where they are now. Then it will be sure for him to move forward.
Nahman: There is always a risk of putting you there, but there is a risk with no. But I think they are at a level of age and experience where they could resist something like that.
Dear Kit Life, my six -year -old partner and I plan to take the next step together: get married and have children.
Although the start of a family is something that we both want in life, I am reluctant to get involved because I can’t stand his family. They are extremely rude with me and me rab are constantly, my history and my culture.
I cannot imagine raising my children in a mixed cultural cleaning where their closest expanded family does not understand and does not celebrate their unique heritage. I told him what I felt about the situation, and we both feel stuck. We believe that confronting his family would be embarrassing and would lead a gap between my partner and them, what I want. I have the impression that the only options are to suck it or move on. – Not thank you Fam
Nahman: I think it is the partner’s responsibility. He needs to defend her and tell his parents that they will not have a relationship with their grandchildren if they do not respect her.
He must show him that she is safe and he absolutely hears it about everything she says and agree. I hope he sees it in the same way. If she feels lowered by him in any way, it is a different conversation.
She must also be incredibly clear with her partner on her fears and doubts and what she needs him to do.
Nelson: It is curious for me to be with someone for six years and to speak of founding a family and to say that, in fact, their parents-in-law is so horrible that I may just have to break and start again. It looks like a really extreme answer for such a long relationship. It is worth considering if in fact you have doubts in the relationship proper.
The episode of the podcast was produced by Andee Tagle. Digital history was published by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would be delighted to hear you. Leave us a vocal messaging at 202-216-9823, or send us an email to lifekit@npr.org.
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