DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a relative that we always invite when we have dinner parties, whether for vacations or just for fun. She always responds that she would be happy to attend.
My problem is that she doesn’t eat our meals. She will place small amounts of food on her plate and eat maybe half of it. Her excuse is always that she’s just not hungry at the moment.
She also behaves this way in the homes of other family members. However, if we go to a restaurant, she eats everything she orders.
Personally, I feel insulted when I prepare a meal and she doesn’t eat it. I think she is rude to accept dinner invitations and never eat the meal.
GENTLE READER: Actually, your relative is being extremely polite in not making a fuss about her – to Miss Manners anyway – obvious dietary restrictions.
Nowadays, it is both useful and customary to ask potential customers if they have such limitations. In the case of a regular visitor, it seems rude to see her struggling with her problem without trying to solve it – and to feel insulted when she goes to such lengths to avoid it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please let me know your thoughts on a neighbor who “kindly” advised us that even though we wouldn’t be invited to her daughter’s baby shower, we should still buy gifts (using the link provided to a registry).
She said she had planned to have a baby shower in our neighborhood and invite her daughter, who lives nearby, to join us, but she won’t be able to do so due to some health risks . This information was provided via text message to a large group of neighbors.
Is this overkill as far as etiquette goes? Or is it a newly accepted way to provide for your grandchild?
Typically, a shower is a lovely and special way for women (or anyone present) to bond, laugh, and share stories, but I’m not sure what to make of this request.
I would also like some advice on responding as the text message was sent to many people. Some respond with their wishes for happiness and health for the new baby, and some actually respond with the gift they plan to send.
Additionally, this child’s gender is the same as the first child in the family, which should mean that many items could be reused. A few years ago there was a huge shower for the other child; Does every baby need a new stroller and a new bathtub?
GENTLE READER: The lovely and special gathering you have in mind is obviously not your neighbor’s goal when taking a shower.
But even if that were the case, the appearance of acquisitiveness is why there is a (often broken) rule against giving showers to one’s immediate family.
Miss Manners understands that you are not one of those who are so happy about this pregnancy that you want to send gifts. In this case, all you have to do is offer your congratulations.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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