I’m a First-Generation HBCU Graduate, but I’m Broke and Lonely

• I am a first generation HBCU graduate from Spelman College.
• At school, I met inspiring black women who became my community.
• Now that I’ve graduated, I miss this community, and it doesn’t help that I’m broke and unemployed.

In May 2023, I became the first in my family to graduate from a four-year institution. I sometimes forget how important it is to graduate from a top HBCU.

College was always a no-brainer for me, but I never could have imagined that I would not only be accepted to Spelman College in Atlanta, but that I would also meet some of the most impressive people I have ever met there -down.

Now that I’m a broke and unemployed graduate student, I feel lonelier than ever without my Spelman fraternity by my side.

The people I met during my undergraduate studies irrevocably changed my life

As a freshman at Spelman, I discovered something I didn’t know: the collective through the lens of sisterhood.

The best part of this school for big-brained black girls was the feeling of never being alone. If my procrastination led me to pull an all-nighter for an exam worth 20% of my grade at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday, I might find comfort in knowing that two of my classmates were also doing the same thing. When we failed the exam, even though we had prayed as a group that we would all at least pass, we could lick our wounds in the crowded cafeteria over a plate of soul food and the thud of the Isley Brothers.

Small moments like Spelman’s provided a spiritual respite difficult to replicate elsewhere.

COVID stole my sophomore year. Words fail to describe how dreadful it was to “do school” behind a 14-inch screen, especially after experiencing what it meant to be surrounded by like-minded black women for months.

When I came back to campus as a junior, I told myself that I would do everything I could to apply for opportunities, join clubs, attend campus events, and interact with my peers. I can confidently say that everything went well, but I don’t think anything could have prepared me for how my friends’ absences would hit me once we all graduated.

I feel a lot lonelier now that I’ve graduated

It’s been almost a year since I left Spelman with my degree, honors and accomplishments. But now I’m broke and unemployed – two things I’ve been through before. But 10 months ago, I was living with other broke and unemployed people who helped me shave and dye my head when life got tough.

We are all scattered around the world, making choices that change the world.

I cheer on my college friends from behind my phone screen and wish I was there with them, sharing in their celebrations like I used to. Most of the time, a comment on their Instagram story is the full extent of what I can do. Our obligations keep us busy and separated, so when I finish applying for my 10th job of the week, I send a text or DM and hope that my peers are luckier than me.

I’m trying to find happiness in my post-college life

I don’t want my peak to be in college, so I’ve been looking for other avenues of community.

Luckily, I found some black women-centered crochet groups online. I try to imagine what people on forums look like behind their screens. I wonder if their faces light up like mine when I finish that last half double stitch. I wonder if they would encourage me like my professors did when I landed that internship in Los Angeles that they encouraged me to apply for. Needless to say, the groups don’t look like my college community, but it’s something.

Look, college wasn’t always great. I’d be lying if I said I never doubted my place among my fellow polylinguals on the Dean’s List during my first year. But then my roommate’s family would take me to eat with them, pay for my meal, and then buy me desserts to take back to my dorm. They were telling me how much they supported me and how proud they were. These gestures reminded me that I had my place. I miss these gestures.

Spelman gave me my first real glimpse of a tight-knit community that I don’t think I’d find in this economy. So, for now, I’m going to stick to crocheting little lemon pouches and granny squares, hoping to be able to see my college friends again soon.