I was too much grand-point until I became mom

It is 11 am and I am still in a crust pajamas with a quick egret breast milk. Next to the kettle is a cup of freezing tea. I am voracious and I need a poop. Instead, I sit on my bed without a mastery with a 2 month old baby who continues only his attack on my gerged nipple to shout for unknown reasons.

It was not the shea that got up at 5 am for a raceFollowed by a breakfast smoothie with chia seeds, and be at my standing office at 7:30 am

“You can do everything you turn to,” we said children out of the 90s. And I was that boring person who did it.

Start my own business: Why not? Finish an Ironman? Of course, as soon as I finished this 100 -mile race. Chase A Sunrise after a big night with friends? Count me. Write a book on the side while doing all of the above? It looks like a plan.

“Hi, I’m shea, and I’m Successful. “”

Becoming a mom has changed it all.

I lost my ability to compromise too much but I learned a precious lesson in life in return

From the start, motherhood was not easy for me – and I mean from the start. It took two years Fertility treatment And more money than I would like to mention before I even get pregnant.

Finally, I had what I wanted, worked and paid, right there in my arms – and I felt like a failure. Despite being the ultimate “actor of hard things”, I found this experience deeply human and painfully natural.

Later, still in pajamas, I watched my husband leave for a squash match with the kind of relaxed freedom that you only notice when you lost it. First of all, I wanted to slam the door behind him; Second, I realized that the frustration I felt was not towards him but myself and what I could no longer do.

I couldn’t get lost in a writing project. I couldn’t get out of dancing until my feet hurt. I couldn’t run until my nails fell.

I couldn’t just get started to play a squash match and round it with ice ice beer that I had wanted for a year.

All I could do was feed, change and keep a baby. Feed, change, hold. Feed, change, hold. Feed, change, hold. Of course, my husband helps to hold and change, but I am linked as a feeder.

A few days later, we were invited to dinner with friends. It was a day like any other (that is to say difficult), and I was overwhelmed The idea of ​​preparing the baby, attaching it to the car, finding a place to breastfeed and lugging in a diaper bag.

Normally, I would have hardened hell and I did it. For once, I decided to say no. No excuse; Just no, thank you. We will not join for dinner.

And for the first time, I was wondering: what if success was not to do more, but to do less?

I had to unlearn the myth of supermom

I admit that this revelation did not come to me at an instant moment of clarity, which was rare in the fog of the new mothering. He came, slowly when I started to unlearn the myth of the supermom I was so eager to subscribe.

Having my daughter forced me to be present. When you use two hands to feed a baby, two hands to change a baby and two hands to hold a baby, there are no other moments when living.

Nine months after this wild morning, there are many more things I can do. I work (until 3 p.m.), I run (short distances), I socialize (in bed within 9 years). Despite being back in the real world, there are things that I do not choose now TO DO.

I choose not to work on my phone. I choose not to attend each event. I choose not to pursue the next goal as if it was the only thing that matters.

I defined the success once by finishing the crossed lines, the finished projects and the crushed goals. Now, I find it in the calm moments when I am fully present here, at the moment. Because when you stop trying to do everything, you start to do what matters most.

In this life season, I am the world of someone else. The rest of the world can wait.