DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 30 years but have never been truly happy with each other. For years, I had painful skin infections on my face, which required visits to several dermatologists. They took biopsies and still can’t identify the cause of my skin problems.
Recently, because one of my infections was spreading to my sinus cavity and eye, I moved out of the master bedroom and into one of the kids’ old bedrooms. My skin is clearing up now and I am no longer in pain.
I always suspected that my husband might have had something to do with it, and I also found a book he owned about wild mushrooms. There was a part pointed out that mushrooms are parasites. What do you think, Abby? — SUSPECT IN FLORIDA
DEAR SUSPECT: I think you should discuss this with the doctors who have been trying to diagnose the cause of your repeated infections. If your suspicions are correct, you should speak to the police, as your husband may be guilty of assault with intent to harm you. This may be your chance to end your long and unhappy marriage. Do not return to the master bedroom until this matter is resolved to your satisfaction.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 42 years. Three months ago, I started noticing changes in my husband’s behavior. He had lost two good friends in two months, so I attributed it to that.
Then one day he asked me to look something up on his phone and that’s when I saw text messages between him and a girl named “Ginger” who works for him, inviting him to come to the store every in the evenings to have a beer. Of course, she never said no. She would also text him to look for him if he couldn’t make it, telling him she would miss him.
My husband is 60 years old; Ginger is 30 years old. He also tells me that he also has a friend (also 30 years old) who works at a local company. He confided personal and family matters to her that I know she shared with other people.
I’m at a loss. I’m retired but I’m still willing to go do anything with him. I have dinner ready when he gets home after spending an extra hour with Ginger every night. What can I do to bring my husband home? I take care of myself, I always look my best and I listen when he speaks. — WHAT TO DO IN THE EAST
DEAR WHAT TO DO: Maybe it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your husband’s fear of his own mortality. Given that he has just lost two close friends in the last three months, he might find the company of these young women a distraction. That said, what he is doing is disrespectful to you and possibly a threat to your marriage.
Have you discussed how this made you feel? If not, you should. You seem to be doing your best to do your part, but you can’t solve this problem alone. Maybe it’s time for you to start focusing less on what pleases him and more on what’s good for you. And while you’re at it, start monitoring their financial records to see if there have been any “out of the ordinary” expenses. If so, it may be time to consult a lawyer.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
