I raise a provocative child; It was hard at first

I don’t remember how my son picked up “no” as the first word. Maybe it started with the number of times he heard it.

We often told him things like:

“No, you can’t play in the bath forever.”

“No, you can’t jump from the balcony in your Spider-Man costume!”

“No, you can’t touch the hot stove!”

As we get older, each “no” of ours has met an obstinate “why” of him. Each rule has been disputed and each border has been postponed.

He had trouble with the rigidity of his school

Each jet of the eyes and the slaughtered door of my son made me feel helpless. Some parents have started to judge us, even discouraging their children from playing with mine, fearing that it is a bad influence.

I had to ask myself difficult questions: I wanted to raise a servant who simply followed the orders or an individual who could think by himself? Was my frustration rooted in my own ego or the well-being of my son?

Over time, its challenge cost a price. His frequentation in high school has decreased, as is his notes. Often, he apologized for being absent or simply not preparing in time. His assertion extended from our house to defeat the authority of the school system during his time and learning.

It was creative and social, but the structured environments and oriented towards the rules at home and at the school exhausted it, making it withdraw from participation. It was a mystery to me and his teachers, who never doubted his capacity.

The more I exercise control, the more I pushed it. Harassing it on missed lessons, I was ashamed, suggesting that he would do better if he stuck to a routine.

I discovered positive parenting

At the end of my mind, I turned to therapy, where I discovered a positive parenting. Slowly, I learned not to take things personally with regard to our fights. I stopped seeing his complaints as an attack on my authority or a bad reflection of my parenting and I started to consider them as expressing his injury and his frustration.

This change helped me take a step back and respond with more objectivity – recognizing his difficulties instead of reacting with anger. Over time, as he saw that I really listened to him and that I gave him credit where he was due, he started to approach our arguments more respectfully. When he felt less attacked, my son also made room for my concerns. Together, we found our common ground.

A few years ago, he asked his piano tutor to teach him the guitar. When the teacher refused, believing that my son needed more piano experience before going to a new instrument, he completely left his piano lessons after three years of lessons. Today, in addition to playing the piano, my son is a self -taught guitarist and drummer – the skills he would never have explored if they had simply obeyed.

People care about himself when he is not afraid to say what he thought

Family and friends enjoy their company. He deeply cares about the people of his life and does not hesitate to say his mind if necessary.

Raising a provocative child is difficult, but I appreciate the strength behind. My son has the confidence to speak when something does not feel good and shows the courage to stand up – exactly what any attentive parent hoped for his child.

He may not have followed the conventional path, but I am convinced that he is more than capable of walking alone. Although it is not always easy for us or the other, I would not change anything.