Dear Abby: I am lucky that most of my neighbors are nice and considerate. We all liked to share the celebrations of the other.
However, there is a family among the five households with whom we have never managed to connect to the personal level. Despite our efforts, such as gifts and food, they still haven’t answered. Although there is no animosity, there is no report either.
Over the past six months, a problem has appeared which is becoming more and more embarrassing.
Their garage is so full of goods that they park their car outside. Unfortunately, the car has an extremely sensitive alarm system that is triggered several times during the night. I witnessed to be triggered by their cat jumping on the car. The alarm rings for 15 to 20 seconds, and it is strong enough to interrupt sleep, which was a permanent problem.
I consider myself a generally relaxed person, but it is frustrating.
What is the most respectful way to solve this problem with the family, since we had a limited interaction with them?
– Sleepy in Bellevue, Washington
Dear sleepy: Write a note to the couple and explain that for six months, their car alarm has woken you up. Underline that the cause may be that their cat jumped on the vehicle at the early hours of the morning, and ask if the alarm can be settled to be less sensitive or if its family member can be kept inside.
They will not know that there is a problem if you do not communicate that there is one. (I wonder what other neighbors think about it?)
If the disturbance continues, you will have to report it as a nuisance to the association of owners, if there is one, or the police as a last resort. You have my sympathy.
Dear Abby: I am 66 years old and I received a diagnosis of moderately aggressive prostate cancer. I will soon start radiotherapy.
My wife knows this and was very favorable, but we did not share her with my children, brothers and sisters, relatives or friends.
One of the reasons to remain silent was that my daughter-in-law was waiting for their first child, and I didn’t want to spoil their joy. Now the baby is there, and I’m still uncomfortable to inform them.
What is your opinion? Should I tell them, keep it secret or let my wife say afterwards, should I not survive treatment?
– Secret in California
Dear secret: Saying or not saying is a very personal decision. It could depend on your reason for not wanting anyone to know your diagnosis.
Consider depositing the ad until you have started the treatment and see how difficult it can be (or not).
If you need emotional support, you may want to tell those who are close to you what’s going on or join a cancer support group.
It would be unfair for your wife to be behind to inform your children, your brothers and sisters, your parents, etc. Until you left because it would be blamed to keep your condition to them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby on www.dearabby.com or Po Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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