I left the United States with my fiancé when it was expelled; It was a mistake

The deportation of my fiancé and the multi-year ban on the United States which accompanied it completely derailed our wedding plans.

Suddenly, the wedding we had planned in my hometown, and more importantly, the life we ​​imagined, was outside the table. I was faced with a choice: I follow it in Mexico?

My parents urged me to wait while he understood the immigration stuff by himself. We were barely released with a full year and, at 20, it was my first romantic relationship.

For me, the decision seemed simple: if I had already promised to spend the rest of my life with this person, should I not support him throughout the immigration process?

So we started planning a wedding in Mexico.

I realized that I had made a mistake early, but I was too stubborn to admit it

Marriage planning has become an increasingly controversial subject. Finally, I decided to focus on the end of my first year of college and let my fiancé and her mother take it.

I arrived in Tabasco, Mexico, a few weeks before the wedding. I had trouble adapting to thick humidity, local Spanish dialect and my parents-in-law.

The harassing feeling that I made a mistake kept me at night. I have often fantasized to take a taxi at the airport in the middle of the night and go home.

Unfortunately, I was too young and too much pleasure for people then to admit my feelings to myself or to someone else. Instead, I was convinced that it was too late to change his mind.

I was already there in Mexico. The invitations were sent. The place has been reserved. I did what I was supposed to do: I got married.

I divided my time between the United States and Mexico while I finished university

In the coming years, I have never lived in the same place for more than a few months. I spent almost all the holidays and school breaks in Mexico.

I quickly fell in love with the country and the people.

I learned to make Budín de Pan and Agua de Jamaica. I have traveled in the Mayan pyramids and swam with whale sharks off the Yucatán penisule. I memorized the lyrics of too many songs from Selena and I danced in Banda Music.

My stay in the United States was less pleasant. My husband and I decided that living together was the final objective, but the uncertainty of his request for a green card made it impossible to plan more than a few months at a time. My life had the impression of being pending indefinitely.

While I master myself at the start of my twenties, he became more and more clear than my husband and I were not a good match.

The idea of ​​divorce arose in my head more than once.

Each time, I thought that making such a radical decision was selfish, especially when we hadn’t even had the chance to live together in the same country for more than a few months at a time.

Finally, a particularly enlightening therapy session forced me to realize that I stayed in marriage not because I wanted it, but because I worry about the impact of a divorce that would have an impact on everyone in my life.

Choosing me was difficult but freeing

My divorce was finalized a few years ago.

Since then, I had a tattoo of the northern star on my wrist. It is a tangible reminder of being faithful to my intuition and my feelings rather than letting others act as my guiding light.

I am open to abroad. If I make this decision, however, I will choose what seems right to me – not what I think others want me to choose.