This essay as told is based on a conversation with Cassindy Chao, a 55-year-old man.–year-old matchmaker from Oakland, California, about quitting her dream job as a financial manager. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I am a 55 year old matchmaker who lived the “Crazy Rich Asians” lifestyle, working in finance.
I got into this profession because I knew it was lucrative and felt like a responsible choice. After graduating from Wellesley College, majoring in Chinese studies and economics, I worked a few jobs in finance before being poached by Goldman Sachs in Hong Kong.
At Goldman Sachs, I made over $376,000 a year. I was on top of the world, traveling and buying myself jewelry and designer clothes. It was a very luxurious lifestyle. My colleagues and I would fly to Thailand, Japan or Vietnam on weekends. I was at the center of everything.
Years after starting this new job in 1993, my mother became ill with ovarian cancer, and it was devastating. I left Goldman Sachs in 1999 and returned home to the Bay Area, where I felt alone and incredibly sad.
It was difficult at first, but now I can say that leaving my dream job was worth it.
I went from international jet setter to home caregiver
When my mother became ill, I tried to travel back and forth between Hong Kong and the Bay Area to care for her, but it was unmanageable. After about three months of back and forth, I left Goldman Sachs. It was horrible. I went from an international jet setter with a nice duplex apartment and a housekeeper to living in an old four-bedroom house.
Instead of jewelry and expensive dinners, my days were filled making tea and soup for my mother and driving her to her doctor’s appointments.
Over time, I saw the people who worked below me in the company do incredibly well. I visited friends with many Hermès bags in their closets. They would call me and chat about their far-flung excursions and show off their homes filled with priceless works of art. At first I felt sorry for myself watching them lead my once fabulous life.
It was difficult to accept my new reality
I wanted to balance both careers, but being my mother’s caregiver was practically a full-time endeavor: chemotherapy, blood tests, tumor tests, researching alternative medicines, getting second opinions, driving, managing her records, paying invoices and negotiate insurance. I didn’t want to hire a babysitter for my mother.
All of a sudden I had to budget and save money. But over time, I felt bad for feeling sorry for myself and realized that the simple things are what really matter.
I loved my family and the invaluable time I spent with my mother. At Goldman, it was frantic: agreements, reports, deadlines, meetings, conferences, presentations. In the United States there was still a lot to do, but life slowed down considerably and I was able to relax.
My mother said I would never marry or have a family if I stayed at Goldman Sachs.
Before I quit, I was working crazy hours, traveling constantly, and chasing Ivy League bankers out of my league. I ignored my mother’s advice because I valued my life.
I was dating several other finance guys when I met my now husband, Fred, an engineer, at a party in Hong Kong. He seemed friendly and happy but was wearing a Jackie Chan T-shirt, shorts and Teva sandals. My first thought was, “Oh, yuck.”
We clicked immediately, but I saw him more as a friend.
However, during the first year of caring for my mother, Fred showed up where other men did not. He was solid and always there, which made me realize he was a real keeper. When I decided to return to the United States permanently, Fred packed up all my things and brought them back to me. We started dating seriously and he developed a wonderful bond with my mother. The same year he proposed, we got married, and he moved to California to be with me.
He’s a clumsy engineer, not a rich and skilled financier, different from other men I’ve dated. If I had stayed in Hong Kong, I probably would have chased after unavailable men for years. Instead, we have been happily married for over 20 years.
Was it worth leaving Goldman Sachs?
Now I can say yes. My mother lived as a survivor of terminal ovarian/liver cancer for 10 years before passing away. I mourned her and my former high-flying life when she passed away, but she taught me to thrive in any situation.
My mother’s ability to make the best of any situation inspired me. She became friends with her medical team, buying gifts and knitting hats. During chemo, she’d say, “I’m going to be gone for 14 days, but afterward, let’s plan seven days of fun.” » We would spend days exploring the city, eating delicious treats, and socializing with friends.
Chao with his mother Cecilia and his first grandchild. Courtesy of Cassindy Chao
I am not rich, but I am rich in happiness. I have a wonderful marriage and three wonderful children who are now young adults. Although not everyone wants to get married and have children, I always thought I would have them.
Now that I’m older, I’ve found a new career that I love as a matchmaker. It’s not work; I love meeting so many interesting people all the time and inspiring them to find someone super special.
I chose family over money and I am richer because of it.
If you’re leaving a six-figure dream job and want to share your story, email Manseen Logan at mlagan@businessinsider.com.
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