DEAR ABBY: I need a second opinion.
My grandfather sold me an old farm that had been in the family for 200 years. Last week he showed me a wooded area behind the barn with a human skull.
He told me he was curious, when his father died decades ago, how long it would take a body to decompose. He put the body in the woods and followed its progress, and he has 50 years of photos and notes.
He told the rest of the family that his great-grandfather had been cremated and apparently no one asked him about the ashes.
At this point, all that remains is the skull.
I checked with a lawyer, who told me that in my state no laws were broken.
That said, I don’t want my great-grandfather’s skull lying in the woods behind my barn!
My husband says I should bury it quietly, burn the photos and notes and forget about it. This just doesn’t seem right to me. I feel like I’m helping my grandfather get away with something and it’s “disgusting.”
Should I tell the rest of the family, or continue to let them believe that my great-grandfather was cremated?
I blame my grandfather for putting me in the middle of all this, and any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.
— I bought more than I bargained for
DEAR NEGOTIATE: Your letter is a first. Why do I get the impression that your grandfather must have hated his father for treating his remains so disrespectfully?
The farm and everything that goes with it is now yours to keep or get rid of.
What you need to do is decide whether you want to donate your great-grandfather’s skull to a medical or dental school (or coven?), place it in a columbarium, or bury it on your property.
As for whether to tell the rest of the family, what positive thing could be accomplished by sharing this unpleasantness with them? You are a caring person; Let your conscience be your guide.
DEAR ABBY: I am a full-bodied 25-year-old woman who lives at home.
Every evening, I go into my mom and dad’s bedroom to cuddle our dog who is sleeping on their bed. The dog likes to sleep in the middle of the bed, so I have to bend over to reach him. When I lean over, my mother gives me a “look”. She says my shirt is starting to reveal my body and that I should be “watchful” of my father.
I wear long t-shirts, long pants and sometimes bras when I’m at home, because I’m trying to look out for my dad and my younger brother. I want to be free to not feel like I have to cover up when I do something small like pick up the dog.
Dad is a good man. He never disrespected me in any way as I grew into a woman, so my mother’s extra “caution” bothers me. What should I do?
— I JUST WANT MY DOG
DEAR I JUST WANT: Because at 25 you still live under your mother’s roof, you must respect her wishes. Once you have your own place, you can bounce around as much as you want.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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